


You Didn't Have Me at Hello

by toocleverfox



Category: The Folk of the Air - Holly Black
Genre: Academic, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Rivals to Lovers, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, a few of holly black's other characters show up, because i love them, they're not important but i added them anyway, this is me begging you to read the darkest part of the forest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:41:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 33,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28060314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toocleverfox/pseuds/toocleverfox
Summary: Jude Duarte is competing against Cardan Greenbriar for the highest grade in their shared class. It's only a general education course, but for Jude, who had to work harder than the other students to make it into Elfhame University, she can't afford to be less than perfect.Then Cardan's brother, Dain, gives Jude an offer she can't refuse.A college and soulmate au in which Jude has a common soulmark and hates Cardan with every fiber of her being. She hates him. Truly.Until she doesn't.
Relationships: Jude Duarte/Cardan Greenbriar, Minor or Background Relationship(s), The Bomb/The Roach (The Folk of the Air), Vivienne Duarte/Heather
Comments: 46
Kudos: 162





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little note before reading, I have a headcanon that both Jude and Cardan are bisexual so I wrote them like that in this fic because bi judecardan owns my heart.
> 
> With that in mind, enjoy!

_ducunt volentem fata, nolentem trahunt_

: the fates lead the willing and drag the unwilling

Surprisingly, Jude didn’t hate college. Far from it. While most students would hate waking up early or rushing to a class that was halfway across campus or staying up late to study, Jude never did. She never shook when she was forced to present in front of her classes, her hands on her paper as still as a frozen lake, and she was never anxious before an exam like all her peers seemed to be. 

Jude was perfectly fine with her new life at college. 

Her peers, however, made Jude want to tear her hair out. They were too loud, too brash, too fake for her liking. She had only been at Elfhame University for three weeks and she already knew she was not going to make many, if any, friends. And why would she need to? Her twin sister, Tayrn, was in the same year as her, and her other sister, Vivi, was a fourth year. Why would she need anyone else when she had them?

She’d told them more times than she could count that she didn’t plan on making nice with anyone. Yet they still hounded her on befriending someone, _anyone_ , even being on speaking terms with one of the janitors, Vivi had said, would make them happy. 

Jude wasn’t sure how to explain it to her sisters. She wasn’t opposed to making friends, but everyone she’d met at Elfhame had annoyed her. Taryn would call her picky, but Jude thought it was reasonable to be wary of new people. No one at her college seemed to stand out to her.

At that thought, Jude’s eyes dropped from the blank whiteboard at the front of the class to the head of messy, black hair that was seated one seat in front her, a little lower down due to the lecture hall seating. 

That wasn’t the truth. There was one person that stood out to Jude. But she would never, _ever_ become friends with him.

The boy in question sat one row in front of Jude in their shared english class, a GE class she hadn’t expected to like. There was no arranged seating in the class, like most of Jude’s college classes, but she was always able to get the same seat every time. As did the boy. Something about habit or comfort or something, she assumed. The boy sat slightly to Jude’s left, meaning she could watch his side profile whenever her eyes wandered in boredom when the professor didn’t seem to realize he’d been speaking nonstop for the past thirty minutes. It was hard not to be drawn to her classmate, with his black hair and sharp jawline. She’d heard some of her classmates claim that because he was a student from out of the country it made him more interesting. Jude knew the other girls and guys in the class felt the same way, but that was where the similarities stopped. 

While the other people in the class batted their eyelashes at him, trying to get his attention, Jude wanted nothing more than for him to drop out. She wanted to _beat him_ because, for a reason Jude could only chalk up to luck, the boy always seemed to be one point above her, stealing the best grade in their class right from under her nose.

Vivi would’ve scoffed at her and said it was just a petty rivalry. Jude still had the second highest grade in the class. Why worry that only one person was doing better than her in a class of about one hundred students? It did seem foolish, but it was the principle of the thing.Her classmate didn’t deserve the best grade in the class. He was rude. He barely spoke to anyone besides the professor, as if he believed he was better than everyone else, and when he answered a question in his British accent, his rough voice was dripping with a condescending tone. When he spoke, it took everything in Jude not to leap over her row and smack him in the back of the head with her seven hundred-page textbook.

Jude well and truly hated Cardan Greenbriar. 

She leaned back in her chair and waited for class to start, watching Cardan tap his pen against his opened notebook, his chin resting in his hand. Every so often, he glanced at the clock. The action pissed her off for some reason. Why was he so worried about class starting on time? They all had to start at the same time, it wasn’t like he was the only one being affected. Jude almost rolled her eyes. Every little thing Cardan did irked her. 

The door to the classroom opened and Jude looked up to see Cardan’s friend, Nicasia, walk in and sit down beside him. She whispered something into his ear and laughed. Cardan frowned and leaned away from her.

Jude glared at him. She didn’t like Nicasia. She was always too loud and disruptive, but she was Cardan’s friend. So why wasn’t he laughing? Did he not have a sense of humor either? Jude almost scoffed. That wouldn’t be surprising.

Cardan opened his mouth to say something to Nicasia when the professor walked in, apologizing for being late. With that, Cardan closed his mouth and turned away from Nicasia, focusing on the front of the classroom. The lecture started and Jude dragged her eyes away from Cardan, willing herself to pay attention. 

The class went on like any other. The professor lectured about a short story they’d been assigned to read the night before and asked questions while Jude rushed to write down everything in her notebook.

When there were five minutes left of class, the professor announced there was going to be a project due at the end of the semester. As he spoke, he passed out a sheet of paper to each row.

“I want you to find a main theme in any story that’s on this list and explain how it relates to the human condition.” 

The boy next to Jude handed her a few sheets of paper and she thanked him quietly. She took one and handed the rest off to the girl on her left. 

“This will certainly be a big part of your grade,” the professor continued, now back at the front of the classroom. 

Jude’s gaze snagged on Cardan’s head as she turned back to the front of the room. As if sensing her eyes on him, Cardan turned his head ever so slightly and looked at Jude, blinking at her. She snapped her eyes up, ignoring the heat rushing to her cheeks. From the corner of her eye, she saw Cardan frown and turn away.

“And remember,” the professor said, “Whoever has the highest grade at the end of the semester will be chosen to moderate a panel and speak with a group of famous authors, a few of whom we will talk about this year.”

That perked Jude up. That was the main reason she couldn’t stand the sight of Cardan. Every time they turned in an assignment, the professor would say the name of whoever was now at the top of the class. It was a silly thing, a way to make the class fun, but so far it had only been switching between Jude and Cardan, with Cardan taking up the number one spot a few more times than her.

Jude wanted nothing more than to secure the number one spot. With this project, she could beat him, _and_ it would look good on her resume. 

It was a win-win situation. 

“I’ll give you until next week to pick your partner!” the professor called out over the sounds of backpacks being zipped up. 

_Wait, what?_

Jude snapped her head up, missing the last few instructions the professor had mentioned. As the rest of the class picked up their things and filed out, Jude stayed behind. She caught sight of Cardan glancing at her before the lecture hall door closed behind him. She felt her face burn in embarrassment. He probably assumed she was staying after class for extra help. She didn’t need extra help and Cardan should be well aware of that.

The professor looked up from his laptop and smiled at Jude. “Something you need? Sorry, I’m still getting used to new faces. Jude, right?”

Jude nodded. “I’m sorry, I didn’t hear what you said, at the end. We have to work in pairs?”

The professor nodded and straightened up from where he’d been leaning over his desk. “It’s a big project and I think it’s important to be able to collaborate with people. It’s an important skill in the workplace.”

Jude nodded. She’d heard that spiel before. This meant she’d have to rely on someone else to get a grade that she knew she could easily get if she worked by herself. She wanted to win more than anything and she didn’t want anyone dragging her down. Cardan would likely partner with Nicasia, and Jude knew Nicasia wasn’t that far behind her when it came to grades.

At her silence, the professor added, “I can help you find a partner, if that’s what’s worrying you.”

“Oh, no, it’s fine. I’ll find someone,” she replied, wondering who the hell she would ask. “Thank you, professor,” she added, before moving away from his desk. Jude walked out of the room but not before noticing the TA’s eyes on her as she left.

_______

  
  


Jude set her food down hard on the table, causing Taryn to jump. 

“Jesus, what’s wrong with you?” she snapped, moving over to give Jude room. 

Jude and Taryn, and sometimes Vivi, usually ate lunch together whenever their schedules aligned. They ate in Hollow Hall, the dining hall, a room with an arched ceiling, wooden chairs and tables, and chandeliers that gave the room a haunting feel at night. In the day, the big glass windows brought in the light from outside. 

Like the rest of the school, it reminded Jude of a church. It felt sacrilegious to eat her sandwich and drink her coffee under the large stained glass window that marked the back of the hall. 

Today, Taryn was sitting with her other friends, a Sophomore and a Junior Jude could never remember the names of. She’d tried to befriend them at the start of the year, but they’d always been more drawn to Taryn than to her. 

Jude and Taryn shared the same face, but that didn’t matter. Jude was like a piece of rock that had been broken off from a hillside while Taryn was a shiny crystal that had been dug out from deep within the ground. They were both earth, but it was obvious who was more likeable. 

As if to prove this, Jude asked through a mouthful of food, “Have you seen Vivi?” which earned her an annoyed look from one of Taryn’s friends.

Taryn took a bite of her own sandwich, swallowing before she spoke. “Not recently. I think she went to visit Heather at work.” 

One of Taryn’s friends made a cooing sound, her fork stuck in her salad. “Your sister and her girlfriend are so cute.”

Taryn’s other friend, the one who’d glared at Jude’s awful manners, nodded in agreement. “And their marks are adorable. I’d kill to have one as unique as theirs.” 

_So would I,_ Jude thought. 

Her words, etched into her skin just above her heart, were written in a neat scrawl that simply read, _Hello._ They were the first words her soulmate would say to her. To say the least, she’d never been excited to meet her soulmate since she’d learned to read. Unlike Vivi, who had the words, _The scene with the dinosaurs was my favorite,_ on her wrist, Jude had been cursed with a word so common she’d lost track of how many people had said it. 

Once, long ago, in a house Jude hadn’t lived in for years, her mother had told her that having a soulmark close to your heart meant your love was going to be stronger than most. That their love would be beautiful. Jude had been young and begging for a sign that she’d find her soulmate one day, so she’d believed her mother at the time. Her parents’ words were on their biceps, closer to their hearts than Taryn’s or Vivi’s words.

 _It’s a beautiful thing,_ her mother had whispered, her voice quiet because Taryn and Vivi were asleep on the couch. 

And yet her parents had died young and left their three daughters alone. That didn’t seem beautiful to Jude. 

Then Jude, Taryn, and Vivi had been adopted by Madoc and his wife and she’d gained a brother. Oak had been a light in the dark for her during that time. When Vivi and Madoc were fighting or Madoc’s wife, Oriana, was making snarky comments at Jude’s expense, she’d go play with Oak. She loved Oak with all her heart and had cried the day she’d left for college, knowing he’d be without her for months.

After her parents had died, Jude had forgotten about her soulmark for a few years until Vivi had met her soulmate, Heather, at their local comic book store. Jude had decided then that she would greet everyone she met with a ‘Hi, I’m Jude Duarte’ so whoever had that etched above their heart would know she was their soulmate even if she couldn’t be sure they were hers. 

As the topic switched from soulmarks to annoying professors, Jude dropped her hand that had been absently rubbing the mark above her heart. 

Taryn caught her eye and gave her a kind smile. Only Jude’s family knew how much she hated talking about soulmarks and soulmates. Out of everyone in her family, her words were the worst. Even Taryn’s were better. Stretched across her left hip bone were the words, _Care to dance?_ It wasn’t an uncommon phrase like Vivi’s, but Jude would have done anything to trade with Taryn. 

Jude finished her sandwich, her mood somehow worse now than it had been when she’d learned she’d have to do a partner project. She nudged Taryn’s shoulder and stood up. 

“Come on, practice starts in thirty minutes and I need to drop off my backpack and get changed,” she said. 

Taryn nodded and stood up, too. She collected her trash and waved goodbye to her friends. Jude didn’t bother saying bye. She took off and waited for Taryn to catch up.

“You could try being nicer,” Taryn muttered as they walked out of the dining hall and out into the courtyard. “It wouldn’t hurt to make friends.”

“Why do I need to?” Jude asked. “I have you and Vivi.”

“You might not always have us.”

“What?” Jude said, rolling her eyes. “Planning on dying any time soon?”

Taryn stuck out her chin. “Maybe.”

They crossed the main courtyard and headed toward the dorms. At first, Jude had thought she would hate living in the dorms. They were tall buildings, with grey stone and vines that curled up the left side. The right side of their dorm building had a _turret_ , though she assumed it was more for show than function. Every part of the campus seemed like it had been pulled from a fairytale about princesses and princes. Except the insides. Inside the dorms, it looked like any ordinary dorm housing young adults. There was a communal kitchen on each floor, communal showers, and a lounge that had enough outlets to keep everyone happy.

Taryn had found the castle style charming. Jude had found it pretentious. 

They made their way up to their shared dorm room, Taryn waving to people she knew every so often. When they finally reached the room, Jude tossed her backpack on the ground and grabbed her soccer uniform. 

Taryn wrinkled her nose. “Have you washed those yet?”

“I’ll wash them when we get back,” she said. When Taryn’s scowl didn’t leave her face, Jude added, “It’s fine! I’m going to sweat in them anyway.” 

She took her clothes into the bathroom and changed out of her sweater and jeans and into the dark green jersey she’d been given by the university. 

The only way she’d been able to afford attending Elfhame was by getting a scholarship. Her high school counselor had told her straight A’s weren’t enough and had advised Jude to join a sports team. Vivi had done track and Taryn had been talking about joining the soccer team. Since Vivi was due to graduate that year, Jude had decided to join the soccer team with Taryn. 

Jude had ended up becoming captain the next school year. 

She left the bathroom and put her hair up into a ponytail as Taryn took her place and changed into her own uniform. 

A knock sounded at the door and Jude opened it to find a short girl standing before her. She had dark skin and white curly hair, and she was wearing the Elfhame soccer uniform. 

“Hello,” the girl grinned, showing off a row of white teeth. 

_Hello._

That was the first word her soulmate would say to her. Jude’s heart leapt with hope. Could this girl be her soulmate? 

“I’m Jude Duarte,” she said, her body tense, waiting for the girl’s response. 

“I know,” the girl said, still smiling.

 _I know_? Did she mean- Was this- Could she really be-

“Your sister told me.” 

Everything in Jude’s body felt like it had fallen to her feet. This girl wasn’t her soulmate. Of course she wasn’t. Jude wanted to smack her head against the door. 

Taryn came out of the bathroom and smiled when she saw the girl outside.

“Liliver!” she called, running out to hug her. 

It clicked then that Jude had seen this girl before. She was on their soccer team. Number 12, Jude recalled. It seemed like Taryn already knew everyone’s name and family and star sign. Probably.

It was only the third week of the semester. Jude would learn her teammates’ names eventually. Hopefully. 

The girl pulled away and pouted at Taryn. 

“I told you to call me The Bomb.” 

Taryn smiled warmly. “You also told me to call your boyfriend The Roach, which he didn’t want.” She laughed at the girl’s expression and said, “I think I’ll just stick with Lili.” 

Lili sighed. “ _Fine_.” 

Taryn moved away and gestured to Jude. “This is Jude, my sister,” she said. “Jude this is Lili. She’s on our team and also in my anthropology class.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” Lili said, nodding at Jude.

“Likewise,” Jude replied.

Lili looked Taryn up and down and then did the same to Jude. “So, are you guys ready to go?” 

“Yup!” Taryn said, clapping her hands together. 

Jude grabbed her bag with her cleats and water bottle and followed Taryn out of their room. 

Taryn and Lili talked as they made their way to the soccer field. Jude spoke every now and then but mostly left them to talk amongst themselves. 

When they arrived, the rest of the team was already on the field. Jude sported Nicasia at the other end of the field, talking to another girl. Jude turned her gaze away from her and waved to a few of her teammates as she sat down on the grass and put on her cleats. Lili sat down next to her and did the same. 

She nudged Jude’s shoulder and asked, “Will you call me The Bomb?” 

Jude snorted out a laugh and shook her head. “No,” she said honestly.

Lili shrugged and pulled off her shoe. “Worth a shot.” 

Jude finished lacing her cleats and stood up, offering a hand to Lili.

Lili smiled and took it.

Their practice went on as it normally did. They warmed up, ran a few drills, talked about strategy, and then cooled down by jogging lightly around the track. 

Their coach called out to tell them practice was over and everyone went their separate ways. Jude went over to her bag and changed back into her regular shoes. Taryn walked over to her and nudged her knee with her foot.

“What?” Jude asked. 

“Look behind you,” Taryn said quietly. 

Jude turned around and saw what Taryn was talking about. She felt anger blossom inside of her. 

On one of the bleaches sat Cardan, his head dipped over a book, his dark hair windswept. He was wearing a dark blue coat and black jeans with black pointed boots. 

_Asshole_ , Jude thought. 

“Why is he here?” 

Jude’s eyes were glued to Cardan as Taryn said, “Maybe for Nicasia. I mean, they are friends.”

Jude turned and looked up at her sister, frowning. “How do you know that?”

Now it was Taryn’s turn to look confused. “You told me.” She tilted her head. “You talk about Cardan _a lot_.” 

Jude looked back at him, her eyebrows furrowing deeper. “I do not.”

Taryn snorted. “Sure you don’t.” She nudged Jude’s knee again. “Come on, I have an essay to write.”

Jude stood up and shouldered her bag. They walked past the bleachers and she felt Cardan’s eyes on her as she passed. 

She didn’t look his way.

_______

  
  


Two days later, Jude lay on her stomach on her bed, her vision swimming as she stared at her laptop screen. She had to read a thirty page article for her history class, but her eyes wouldn’t focus. Practice had run late and she’d needed to print something out in the library before heading back to her dorm room to start her homework. She just wanted to be done with her homework for the night. 

“Take a break already,” Vivi said, tossing Taryn’s pillow at Jude’s head. 

Jude caught it before it hit her. She threw it back at Vivi, almost knocking her off Taryn’s bed.

“This is due tomorrow,” Jude snapped, turning back to her laptop.

Taryn emerged from the bathroom and pointed at Vivi. “She’s right, you should take a break.” When Jude threw her a dark look, she raised her hands. “I’m just saying, a five minute break might help.” 

Jude rolled over onto her back and rubbed her eyes with her palms. “I guess I could take a break.” 

“Did Jude just admit she’s wrong?” Heather asked from Taryn’s bed, looking up from her phone. “Tell me someone got that on video.” 

Vivi laid her head down on Heather’s lap and played with the hem of her shirt. 

“Unfortunately, no,” Vivi replied, sighing dramatically. “And she may never say it again.”

Heather laughed as Vivi pretended to faint, making her body go limp on top of Heather. 

“You can come with me to the library if you want,” Taryn said over the sound of giggling. “I have to print something.”

Jude frowned. “I told you I had to print something after practice, why didn’t you come with me then?”

“Oh,” Taryn said, not meeting Jude’s eyes. “Well, I didn’t remember about it until now.” 

Jude’s eyes narrowed. “Okay, that was such a lie. What aren’t you telling me?”

“Taryn’s crush is usually studying in the library right about now,” Vivi said casually, now sitting up and leaning against Heather’s shoulder. 

“Taryn’s _what_?” Jude gaped. She sat up and looked at Taryn. “Your _what_?” 

“It’s nothing,” she said, glaring at Vivi. She sighed and added, “There’s just a guy in my econ class that I think is cute, okay? And I noticed he’s normally in the library at this time.” 

“Well, that’s not creepy at all,” Jude said. “How do you know that?”

Taryn sat down on her own bed, across from Jude, and leaned back on her hands. “I went in once to talk to a tutor and noticed him sitting at one of the tables. Then the next day I went in to meet up with a friend to study and he was there again.” 

“Have you spoken to him yet?” Jude asked, already knowing the answer. 

If Taryn had spoken to him and he had said the words that were written across her hip, Jude would’ve already known five seconds after it had happened. But if they had already talked and he hadn’t said her words, then it was pointless to keep crushing on him. He wasn’t her soulmate and, although Jude knew of people who dated even though they had different soulmarks, it was very rare and typically never lasted long. 

Taryn shook her head. “No, not yet.”

Vivi leaned forward, suddenly interested. “Oh! What are you going to say to him? It better be something memorable.”

Taryn shrugged, her smile drooping. “My mark says ‘Care to dance,’” she reminded Vivi. “If I talk to him in the library, it’s unlikely he’s going to be my soulmate.”

“Maybe he just wants you to have a cool soulmark,” Vivi replied. “A romantic one! Like mine.”

“Come on,” Taryn said, her smile returning. “Like ‘That’s a really good comic’ are such romantic first words.”

“Hey!” Vivi argued. “How was I supposed to know the cute girl at the comic store was my soulmate?” 

“It’s not like Heather’s words were any better,” Jude cut in. 

She watched as Vivi flipped her wrist over to show the writing against her pulse. Heather took Vivi’s wrist in her hand and kissed the mark gently. Vivi flushed and Jude looked away, not wanting to intrude on an intimate moment. 

She stared down at her bedsheet, running her eyes over the dark blue pattern. At least her sisters’ words would be easy to identify. Jude had been cursed with a common phrase, something that had often led her to believe that almost every person she met could potentially be her soulmate. 

She didn’t even have a hint, like Taryn. Taryn at least knew she’d probably meet her soulmate at a dance or at a party, but Jude had nothing. It was like the universe had been laughing at her when she’d been born and had said, _Let’s see how this one turns out._

Taryn stood up from her bed and grabbed her phone off the little side table that was situated between their beds. 

“I actually do have to print something,” she said. “Anyone want to come with me?”

Vivi stood up and Heather followed suit. 

“Sure,” Vivi said, stretching her back and groaning when something popped. Heather made a face. “I want to see your boy.”

“He’s not my boy!” Taryn squeaked and stomped out of the room.

Heather laughed and followed her out. Vivi waited at the door and looked back at Jude where she sat on her bed, laptop still open at her side. She glanced at the laptop.

“Want to come?” Vivi asked. “It really might help to take a break.”

Jude shook her head. “It’s fine. I’m almost done anyway,” she lied.

“Alright, fine,” Vivi said. She closed the door behind her and then opened it a second later. “I’ll text you if Taryn talks to him.”

Jude laughed. “Okay. Keep me updated. Take a video if they dance in the library!” she added before Vivi shut the door.

Jude was left alone in the quiet of the room. She picked up her laptop and propped up her pillows. She leaned back on them and placed her laptop on her lap, attempting to finish her reading. She was able to focus for about five minutes before she felt her eyes start to droop. She threw her head back and groaned. Maybe her sisters were right. Maybe she did need to take a break to clear her head. 

Shutting off her laptop and changing into a warmer sweater, Jude left her room. She walked through the hallways and down the stairs. When she stepped out of the building, she shivered. The sky had darkened significantly from the last time she’d been outside, and there was a slight chill in the air, carried by a small breeze.

Jude breathed deeply. The cold was helping to wake her up.

She turned right and started walking toward a park she’d found on her first day at Elfhame. 

She’d been forced to make nice with the people in her classes and then the people on who shared the same dorm floor as her. By the time the sun was sinking below the horizon, she’d just wanted a minute to herself. While Taryn had been talking to the people across from their room, Jude had slipped out the door. She’d taken her time, strolling through the campus, seeking out places where she could go to be alone. That was when she’d found the little park, if it could be called that. It was more like a small grass area that just happened to have an old swing set in the middle of it. The park was across the street from the university, not near any buildings or houses. Just tucked away between some trees. 

She wouldn’t have spotted the swing set if she hadn’t been looking for a spot exactly like it. That night, she’d stayed there long after the sun had set. When she’d arrived back at her room, guided by her phone flashlight, Taryn and Vivi had been there, waiting for her, yelling about how they had almost contacted the campus police about their missing sister.

Jude headed to the park now, cutting across the grass. There was a lone streetlight near the park, and it faintly glinted against the metal of the swing set. She smiled to herself at the sight. Then her face immediately fell when she saw there was someone sitting on one of the two swings. 

It was a boy, in a dark coat and dark jeans, sitting by himself, swinging slightly, looking like he was lost in thought. 

Jude crept closer. She tried to catch a glimpse of him, wondering who else knew about her hiding spot. She stepped on a twig, and the boy snapped his head up at the sound. His dark eyes met hers, his body slightly fuzzy as the light in the sky faded.

Oh. It was Cardan.

Jude felt her annoyance flare. Why did Cardan always seem to ruin everything? 

Well, she was already there. She wasn’t just going to turn around and _leave_ , and her sisters did say she should try making friends. Maybe she could be friends with Cardan. He was one of the smartest people in her class, surely they could find something in common. 

Deciding to make her sisters happy, Jude walked over to the swing set and sat on the only other swing, right beside Cardan. She noticed he was tense and staring at the ground. 

“Hi, my name’s Jude Duarte,” she said, waiting for him to recognize her. 

He dragged his eyes up and met hers, his ink eyes reflecting the street lamp as if it were the sun. Did he not know who she was? How could he not know? When there was time, their professor would call out grades at the end of almost every class period. Her name had been said almost as many times as Cardan’s had been.

She felt suddenly foolish. Just because she knew who he was, didn’t mean he knew her. He’d been at the top of the class more times than her. Maybe he didn’t see her as a competitor, not like how Jude saw him.

Finally, quelling her thoughts, Cardan said, “Hello.”

He said it quietly, as if he was expecting someone to be listening in on them, like he only wanted Jude to hear his words. 

Jude waited for him to say something else. When he didn’t, she slowly said, “I’m in your english class,” and waited for it to click.

He nodded. “I recognize your name.”

She crossed her arms and smirked. “Because I’m up against you for the best grade in the class?”

Jude watched as Cardan’s face turned confused and then carefully blank.

“Yes,” he said and cleared his throat, looking back down at the ground. “That’s how I know you.”

There was an awkward lull in the conversation. What was she supposed to say now? What would Taryn do? Making friends was a lot harder than Jude had previously thought. Maybe she should wait for Cardan to speak first. 

When Cardan didn’t say anything else, Jude faltered. What could she say? What _was_ there to say? How did she ever think they had something in common? He was some posh boy from England and she was just a girl who’d fought tooth and nail to get into this university. And now she was what? Making nice with the person who was hindering her chance at an amazing opportunity? 

“I should go,” Cardan said into the silence, standing up so quickly that the swing’s chains rattled. 

Jude didn’t have time to respond, and she watched as he walked away, his figure fading the farther away he got. She thought he glanced back at her, but it was too dark to see. 

Great. She’d driven him away. 

_So much for trying to make friends_ , Jude thought. At least if Taryn asked she could say she’d tried. 

But it was probably for the best, she convinced herself. Cardan seemed like a dick and she shouldn’t be making friends with someone who was getting in her way.

It was only when she was walking back to her dorm room did she realize Cardan had said the word that was written above her heart. 

She thought, wildly, that perhaps she’d said his words, too, but then she banished that idea from her mind. He’d known who she was since the first day of class. If her name was tattooed on his chest, he would have spoken to her sooner. 

She wondered how much longer she would have to wait until she found the person who had cursed her with their first words. 

First _word_ , she reminded herself.

She finished her history assignment and went to bed late, dreaming of ink black eyes that she forgot about in the morning. 

_______

  
  


Jude looked up at the frat house, her arms crossed. All the lights were on inside and music was blasting through the open windows. There were a few people on the porch, Heather included, red solo cups in their hands. She spotted a couple making out against the house, looking like they were about to fall into the bushes.

Taryn saddled up beside her and smiled. She was wearing a short, light blue dress with a gold necklace and earrings. Unlike her, Jude wore a white crop top with black jeans and black boots. She’d topped it off with her favorite black leather jacket.

Back at their dorm, Taryn had frowned at her outfit and told her she didn’t look very inviting. 

“That’s the point,” Jude had replied.

Now, Jude looked sideways at her twin. “Why did I let you drag me here?” she asked.

“Because,” Taryn said, gesturing to the house, “You knew it would be more fun than watching Netflix alone in our room.”

“I don’t know,” Jude said. “That sounds a lot better right now.”

Vivi ran past Jude and Taryn while calling out Heather’s name. She ran up the porch steps and swooped her up into a kiss, Heather giggling in her hold. Jude faked throwing up and Taryn laughed, knocking her shoulder with her own. 

They walked up the porch steps, greeting Heather and her friends. Jude followed the others into the house, squeezing through sweaty bodies as they made their way deeper into the building until they reached the kitchen. 

Heather handed Vivi a drink, and Jude went up next to her and grabbed her own. Taryn did the same.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Vivi sang, wagging her finger at Jude and Taryn. “You two are underage, don’t think I forgot.” 

“You did the same thing when you were our age!” Taryn yelled over the music.

Vivi took a sip of her drink and then said, “Well, do as I say not as I do.”

“Uh huh, I’ll definitely do that,” Taryn lied. 

Heather tugged on Vivi’s arm and she shot them another look. “Be careful!” Vivi called as she was dragged away by her girlfriend.

“Will do,” Jude called back, but knew her sister couldn’t hear her. She turned to Taryn and found her watching the room over the rim of her cup. “Looking for your man?” Jude joked and took a sip of her drink. It tasted like bile slipping down her throat, but it would help her get through the night. 

Taryn glanced at her. “Maybe,” she drawled. “Oh!” she exclaimed, her eyes brightening as she spotted someone in the crowd. “That’s the girl I’m friends with in my film class. I’m going to go talk to her-” Taryn turned around, suddenly remembering Jude existed. “I-If that’s okay? I don’t want to leave you alone.”

Jude shrugged. “It’s fine. I can handle myself.” 

Taryn laughed, knowing full well she could. “Okay. Just text me if you need anything. I have it on vibrate so I’ll feel it.”

Jude nodded and Taryn wiggled her fingers in a small wave and darted into the crowd. 

Almost instantly, someone else approached Jude.

“Hi!” Lili yelled over the music. “What brings you to this fine establishment?”

Jude laughed. “My stupid sisters.” 

Lili nodded sagely. “Stupid people tend to like frat parties,” she said.

“Is that why you’re here, too?” Jude asked, and then wondered if that was rude to say to someone you weren’t close with. 

But Lili cackled at that, and Jude smiled a genuine smile and wondered if they were friends. Should she ask? Did you ask someone if you were friends or was there some unspoken agreement she didn’t know about? The last time she’d made friends was freshman year of high school and those friendships hadn’t lasted very long.

Before she could make a fool of herself, there was a commotion in the living room and Jude and Lili turned to see what was happening. There, in the middle of the room, was a boy, grinning from ear to ear, with his arms wrapped around another boy. The people around them were clapping and cheering. 

“Aw,” Lili cooed, cocking her head. “They must be soulmates. Seems like they said each other’s words.” 

“Huh, I’ve never seen that happen before.” Jude turned to Lili. “How did it happen with you and your boyfriend?” 

“Oh, I don’t have a soulmark,” Lili said, still watching the new couple across the room. 

Jude almost spat out her drink. Not having a soulmark was incredibly rare. Even those who felt no romantic attraction often had soulmarks for platonic soulmates. Having none at all was- It was shocking. Lili was the first person Jude had ever known not to have a mark.

“But you have a boyfriend,” Jude replied dumbly.

Lili, not offended in the least, laughed. “He doesn’t have one either. I like to think we’re soulmates without the soulmarks.”

Jude thought that over. “Is it… nice?”

Lili frowned. “Nice?”

“I mean, like, is it nice to not be worried about waiting for the day you meet your soulmate? Is it nice to choose who you fall for?”

“It’s not a choice.” Lili smiled, almost sadly. “I think soulmarks just make it easier to not mess up.” She shrugged. “And yet, somehow, people still do.” Lili’s eyes caught on something in the room and she grinned. She looked back at Jude. “Hey, I just saw my friend, mind if I go see him?”

Jude waved her away. “Yeah, sure. I’ll see you later.”

Lili winked and slipped into the crowd. 

Jude sighed and leaned against the kitchen counter, people watching as she slowly drank her beer. 

What would that be like? To not have a soulmark? Jude’s soulmark didn’t even seem useful. Almost everyone she’d met in her life had greeted her with a ‘hello.’ It made her hopeful at every new conversation, and every time she was let down. Maybe she’d be happier if she’d been born without a mark. Lili seemed perfectly fine without one. 

She was debating just going back to her and Taryn’s dorm and watching a movie when someone with dark hair slipped past her and went out into the backyard. She went over to the sink and peered through the window that overlooked the yard. There, leaning against the deck and standing with a small group of people, was Cardan. A guy Jude didn’t recognize had everyone’s attention. He was moving his arms wildly as he told a story. Nicasia stood beside the other boy, laughing at his theatrics. There was a girl Jude didn’t know standing next to Cardan. As she laughed at the boy’s story, she moved closer to Cardan, leaning her shoulder against his own, and Jude felt her glare harden at the sight. 

“You must be Jude,” a voice said close to her ear, causing Jude to jump back.

She turned to find a guy smiling at her. A guy she recognized.

“Oh,” she said, the tension in her body loosening slightly. “You’re the TA in my english class, um-”

“Dain.”

“Right. Yeah.”

“Sorry if I frightened you,” he said. 

Jude watched him warily as he took a sip of his drink. He had an accent, almost exactly like Cardan’s, and his hair was blonde in the dim light of the house. She thought it would be golden out under the sun. He was handsome, but Jude wouldn’t trust someone that easily - handsome or not. 

“I wasn’t sure if you would hear me over the music,” Dain continued. “Or over your very intense glare,” he noted, using the solo cup in his hand to gesture at Cardan through the window.

Jude felt herself flush, praying the dim lighting wouldn’t give her away. “It’s not like that. He’s just…” 

“You don’t like him,” Dain said. It wasn’t a question. 

Jude wasn’t sure how to respond. How do you tell your TA that you hate one of your classmates? A classmate from a class he was the TA _for_? 

He gave her a smile, like this was all very amusing, and pulled away from the counter. “Come on. I’d like to talk to you about something,” he said and left the kitchen. 

Jude took that as her cue to follow, abandoning her cup on the edge of the sink. She followed Dain through the big house and up a flight of stairs. He led her down a hallway, and Jude ignored the sounds coming from one of the bedrooms. At least the music drowned the noises out the farther down the hall they went. 

When they reached the end of the hallway, Dain took out a key and unlocked a door, holding it open for Jude.

She crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow. “I’m not following a man I barely know into a room with a lock in an unfamiliar house.”

Dain nodded. “That’s understandable. We can talk out in the hall if you’d prefer.” He closed the door and locked it, slipping the lock into his pocket. “I wanted some privacy to talk about this, but I doubt anyone will be able to hear us over the music.”

Jude leaned against the wall and frowned. “What’s so important we need a whole room to ourselves?”

“My brother,” Dain said, leaning against the opposite wall. “Cardan Greenbriar.”

Jude’s eyes almost popped out of her skull. “ _You’re_ Cardan’s _brother_?”

Dain gave her an amused smile and nodded. “We keep our distance in class. I don’t want to be accused of nepotism.”

“Huh,” Jude said, looking him up and down. He was a bit taller than Cardan was and his hair was a completely different color. The only noticeable similarity was his nose, the same slope as Cardan’s. And his accent, of course. 

Dain noticed her confusion and said, “I know we don’t look alike. I have five other siblings, including Cardan. Suppose the genes needed to be split up somehow.” He shrugged and took another sip of his drink. “But that’s not important. I have something to ask of you.”

“And it has to do with Cardan?” Jude asked, not bothering to hide her suspicion. Whatever Dain wanted couldn’t be good, and yet she couldn’t help but be intrigued.

If there was something up with Cardan, Jude wanted to know. She wanted to know if he wasn’t so perfect after all. 

“I know you don’t like him. And I don’t blame you,” Dain added when Jude opened her mouth. “I know you two are tied for the highest grade in the class. So I have a proposition that might interest you.”

“Spit it out already,” Jude snapped, tired of being toyed with.

“I’m worried about Cardan,” Dain explained, ignoring Jude’s order. “He keeps to himself, he only interacts with the few friends he has, and he prefers to stay holed up in his room than meet his peers. He only started acting like this recently, after our father passed away, and I have a feeling it’s because my father was the only one who knew about his secret.” 

“Secret?” Jude asked, incredibly intrigued. “What secret?”

Dain sighed, like this pained him to admit. “I believe Cardan does not possess a soulmark.” 

At his words, all Jude could do was blink at him. She knew not having a soulmark wasn’t impossible. Lili didn’t have one, as Jude had found out earlier, and neither did her boyfriend, and yet they were happy together. But Cardan, of all people, seemed like the type to have a soulmate. It was almost cruel to imagine Cardan with his sharp jawline and soft lips being born without one. 

It seemed like a waste. 

“However, if he does have one,” Dain continued, unaware of Jude’s thoughts racing around in her head. “I need you to find out why he’s so insistent on keeping it hidden.”

Jude finally found her voice. “Wait, why me? Doesn’t Cardan have friends you can ask or something?”

Dain shook his head. “Cardan’s trust is very hard to gain. The few friends he has are very loyal. Believe me, I’ve tried.” 

“You’re his brother,” she said. “How do you not know if your own brother has a soulmark or not?”

“My brother and I were never close growing up. Even my father rarely spent time with us.” Dain sighed. “There’s something you must understand about Greenbriars. We’re not a close family. I’m not sure we ever were. Cardan and I, as well as my other siblings, share the same father, but none of us share the same mother.”

Oh. That explained a lot. 

“Maybe there was a time when we were children, where Cardan mentioned a soulmark or had even shown it to me, but we were so little that even if I had that memory, it’s long gone,” Dain continued. “I left by the time I was able to, as did my other siblings. All that was left was a house with my father and Cardan. That house was so big, and we all kept to ourselves. Looking back, I think I only ever spoke a handful of words to Cardan in the year that I left. I deeply regret that. I should’ve looked after my brother better.”

She couldn’t imagine what Cardan had felt like, watching his siblings move on without him. But then again, what did Jude know? Maybe Dain was lying to get sympathy points. Dain and Cardan and all of their siblings had still lived with more money than Jude would ever make. 

_At least you had a family that loved you_ , something in the back of her mind whispered. 

Dain suddenly moved closer to Jude, but she shot out her arm, stopping him.

“Don’t try anything. I have a knife. And trust me,” she grinned. “I know how to use it.” 

Dain put up his hands and leaned back against the wall. “I just want to be sure no one overhears this.” He lowered his voice, and Jude could just barely hear it over the music. “I need you to get close to Cardan, close enough to bring his walls down. And then I want you to figure out what his soulmark is. If there even is one to begin with. I’m just worried about my little brother, as you can understand. I don’t wish for him to bear this burden alone. No one in my family has ever been born without a mark so he must feel a bit like an outcast.” 

“Why are you asking me?” Jude questioned. “You know I don’t like Cardan, so why are you trusting me?”

“I hate to say it, but I’m desperate. His friends are not willing to help me, and at least with you I have something to offer.”

Jude crossed her arms and quirked an eyebrow at Dain. “And what’s that exactly?”

“I’ll get you the highest grade in the class.”

Jude frowned. “Just like that?”

“Just like that.”

She thought it over. She wasn’t friends with Cardan. If anything, they were rivals, and he was in her way at an opportunity she might not get again. Cardan, from what she’d gathered, was a rich snob who didn’t need the same chances that Jude did. He could have them handed to him on a silver platter and he’d likely turn his nose up at them. She needed the grade. He didn’t. What did it matter if his brother found out if he had a soulmark or not? They were family. They wouldn’t disown him for something he couldn’t control, and it seemed like Dain was genuinely worried about his brother. 

So, really, what did she have to lose? 

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. 

“Alright,” she decided. “I’ll do it.”

Dain grinned. His smile was as sharp as her knife. “Good. I guess I’ll be hearing from you soon, then. You know where to find me.” He moved away from the wall. “Oh, and I recommend partnering with Cardan for the project. It’ll be an easy way to get close, don’t you think?” Dain supplied, and then left Jude alone in the hallway, wondering just what she’d gotten herself into. 

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

The following Monday, during soccer practice, Jude looked for Cardan in the stands. She needed to have her partner chosen before the next english class, and, after Jude’s talk with Dain on Saturday, she was keeping an eye out for Cardan. 

She hadn’t been sure if she was going to agree to what Dain had suggested, but she’d eventually been able to see how working with Cardan would be useful to both of them.

That morning, when she’d told Taryn she was going to ask Cardan to be her partner, Taryn had said, “So, what? Now you want to team up with the guy you’re trying to beat?” 

Jude had shrugged and used the best excuse she’d come up with. “We’re the best students in the class. Wouldn’t it be smarter to work together than apart?”

Taryn had paused in applying her eyeliner and looked at Jude through the mirror. “I guess…” she’d replied slowly, clearly not buying it. 

Jude had left the room for her ten o’ clock class before Taryn could say anything else, and she’d gone straight from her last class to practice, not giving Taryn enough time to stop and talk to her. 

There wasn’t much Taryn could say to change Jude’s mind. Sure Jude hated Cardan, but she could put up with him for the next few months if it meant she would be at the top of their class. 

As she imagined Cardan’s smug face contorting into confusion when he realized she was going to beat him, Jude happily ran through drills, kicking the ball to Lili. They passed the ball back and forth through orange plastic cones, and Jude pretended like she didn’t notice Taryn shooting her concerned glances every now and then. 

When there were only a few minutes left until practice was over, Jude had given up hope that Cardan would show. His usual spot in the bleachers sat empty like the rest of it. Jude flopped down next to Lili and began stretching, glancing discreetly at the stands in case Cardan decided to make a late entrance. 

Taryn, talking to one of their teammate’s, caught her eye. She shot Jude another frown before turning back to the conversation.

“He’ll show up,” Lili said from beside her, her body twisted like a pretzel as she did a cool down stretch. 

Jude blinked at her. “Who?”

“Cardan. He comes to all our practices,” she answered, somehow pulling her leg over her head. 

“How did you know I’m looking for Cardan?” Jude asked.

“Taryn told me.”

Jude almost let out a string of curse words. She shot a glare at her sister, but for once she wasn’t looking back at Jude. Leave it to Taryn to go blabbering to someone. One day her mouth was going to get her in trouble. Or maybe both of them. Jude’s eyes moved from Taryn over to Nicasia. She was also stretching, but one hand was occupied with her phone. Jude looked back at Lili. 

“Cardan comes to our practices for Nicasia, right?”

Lili shrugged and rolled her shoulders. 

Their coach blew her whistle and told them practice was over. Taryn said goodbye to their teammates and walked over to Jude. She nudged one of Jude’s cleats. 

“Ready to go?” she asked. There was a hint of annoyance in her voice.

After living with Taryn her whole life, Jude knew that tone meant Taryn was going to chew her out when they got back to their dorm. 

“Yeah,” Jude sighed, shoving her shoe on, glancing once more at the bleachers. “Let me just-”

There, in the stands, watching the field with cool eyes, was Cardan. Jude forgot what she was saying as she felt her heart leap. There was Cardan, all alone, sitting a few yards away. This was her chance.

Jude jumped up from her sitting position on the grass and waved her sister away. She jogged over to the fence that separated the field from the bleachers and leapt over it. When she looked back up, Cardan was watching her with wide eyes.

She ran up the stairs and walked down the row in front of Cardan, stopping so her head was almost equal to his. She didn’t speak for a moment, just watching him. His hair was slightly disheveled, and his bottom lip was red, like he’d been biting it. He had another book in his long fingers, and his backpack was leaning against his legs. 

Jude’s heart ached to think about him without a soulmate. Then she frowned, wondering why she would care about some random boy who was stealing her spot for top of the class. Yes, she could be objective about it and admit it was sad, but that didn’t mean she had to go and empathize with him. 

Cardan’s startled expression morphed into a frown. “Can I help you?” he asked.

Jude leaned forward slightly and smirked, her hands on her hips. “Want to be partners with me for the english project?” 

Cardan looked taken aback. “Why would I be partners with you?” 

Wow. Okay. What a dick. 

Jude no longer felt bad that he might not have a soulmark. He didn’t deserve one. 

“I’m already doing the project with Nicasia,” Cardan added. 

Jude waved her hand, as if to dispel the idea. “But wouldn’t it be fairer if we worked together?” 

Cardan crossed his arms. “Explain.” 

Jude almost grinned. She’d peaked his interest. 

“We’re the best students in the class,” she explained, and Cardan nodded. “So we should work together. We get the same score and then our grades won’t be based off some dumb project.”

“Instead they’d be based on our essays and exams?” Cardan asked, a perfect eyebrow raised. 

“Exactly. Our _own_ knowledge, rather than help from a partner.”

Cardan thought it over. “That seems fair. But what am I supposed to tell Nicasia? She’s my friend, you know.” 

Jude shrugged. “Tell her you found someone better.” 

Cardan cocked his head, thinking it over. He seemed intrigued, or at least somewhat interested in working with her. “Fine.” He waved Jude away. “I’ll do it.”

Jude grinned. The plan was coming along. “See you tomorrow then, _partner_.” 

She turned around and jogged back down to the field before Cardan could say anything else, though she doubted he had anything to add. When she glanced up, she saw that only Taryn and Nicasia were left, the rest of their teammates gone. 

Nicasia was waiting for Cardan at the end of the field, looking between them like she was trying to figure something out. Taryn was leaning against the fence, one eyebrow quirked up.

“Want to tell me what that was about?” she said. She handed Jude her bag. “And why you needed to jump over the fence?”

Jude took it and said, “I have a partner for the english project.”

Taryn stared at her and then shook her head. “I don’t even want to know,” she said as they started walking back to the dorms. “If this comes back to bite you in the ass, I’ll say I told you so.”

Jude rolled her eyes. “Please. I know what I’m doing.”

As they stepped off the field, they walked past Cardan and Nicasia, who were bickering quietly. Jude caught Cardan’s eye and saluted him with two fingers.

Before he turned away, Jude swore she saw a small smile on his face. 

_______

  
  


The next day, before her english class, Jude was buzzing with energy. Taryn had already left for one of her classes so Jude was left alone with her thoughts.

Today, she would have to begin her plan. Somehow, she would have to become friends with Cardan and gain his trust. Her grade was resting on this. And if she had a guaranteed A for the class, she could worry about her other classes and soccer. It would give her a leg up, something Cardan didn’t need but she desperately did. 

Something, probably what Vivi would call her conscience, was nagging at the back of her mind. Should she really be doing this? She was going behind her classmate’s back to get a grade she should be getting with her own hard work. But why couldn’t she do that? Why couldn’t she have a backup plan? Cardan was rich, and she knew he’d grown up with things she couldn’t even imagine. He had been born with an advantage Jude couldn’t even fathom. 

Wasn’t giving up one little secret worth it? 

Her phone alarm blared, and Jude scrambled to shut it off, startled out of her thoughts. She grabbed her backpack and rushed out the door. 

She walked through campus, earbuds in her ears and her hands shoved into her jacket pockets. It was getting colder, the leaves already changing colors, no longer the bright green Jude had been introduced to her first week at Elfhame. The sky was partly cloudy, with a slight breeze in the air, the kind that would tickle your cheek but not blow away all your homework. 

She cut across a small grass area and went into the language building. Like most of the buildings on campus, it was old, with that castle aura about it. On the inside, however, it looked like any other building. The classrooms were all modern, with whiteboards, computers for professors, and outlets for the students to charge laptops and phones. 

As Jude reached her classroom, she breathed deeply, settling herself. She knew Cardan was likely already in his seat, and she was hoping he hadn’t changed his mind about being her partner. She didn’t have a backup plan, and the last time she’d seen him, he’d been arguing with Nicasia who was likely pissed he’d suddenly chosen to switch partners at the last minute. Jude really hoped he hadn’t changed his mind. 

She stepped into the classroom and abruptly froze. Cardan wasn’t in his usual seat.

She looked around the room and found him sitting one row up, next to the seat Jude always sat in. 

Cardan had moved so he was sitting next to Jude. The idea made her stomach twist, but she ignored the feeling before she could look deeper into it. What he did was smart. Practical. They’d need to move seats to discuss their project. He was just thinking ahead.

As if sensing her, Cardan looked up from the paper in his lap and caught Jude’s eye. His smile looked almost- it looked gentle. 

Someone passed by Jude, knocking her off balance with their shoulder. Jude stumbled, grabbing her backpack strap before it could fall from her shoulder, and looked up to find Nicasia walking away.

Nicasia flopped down into a seat beside a white haired boy. She whispered something to him, and the boy shrugged. She pulled out a notebook and pen as Jude walked past her. She didn’t look up. 

Jude made her way up to her normal seat, squeezing past Cardan. He pulled his long legs closer to his body, and Jude climbed over them. She pulled her backpack off, placing it on the floor by her feet and sat down. 

Once she was in her seat, there was an awkward air between them. Were they supposed to talk right now? Should Cardan speak first? He’d moved to sit near her, shouldn’t he be the one to say something first? She wanted to take out her phone and ask Taryn or Vivi what she should do, but that felt rude.

She cut her eyes over to Cardan and found him frowning down at a paper on his desk. She felt herself relax. He was clearly working on homework for another class. It would be rude to interrupt him.

Good. Now she just had to wait until the professor told them to partner up and then they would have to speak to each other. 

Jude took out her phone and found a few messages from her sisters and from her soccer team’s group chat. She read through her text messages until the professor walked into the room, Dain and a few sheepish looking classmates coming in behind him. Dain looked up toward the theatre seats and caught her eye. He glanced at Cardan beside her and then gave Jude a private smile. 

Looked like Dain was happy their plan was working accordingly. 

Jude put her phone away and Cardan stuffed his paper into a folder which he then put into his backpack. Jude wanted to roll her eyes. Of course Cardan couldn’t just shove his papers into his backpack like a normal person, he had to put it in a folder first. 

The professor yawned behind his hand and took out a stack of papers from his bag. He said something to Dain who nodded and took the papers out of the professor’s hands and started passing them out.

“Alright, everybody,” the professor said as Dain made his way through the classroom. “We’re going to be starting the project today. Does everyone have a partner picked out?” he asked, and looked around. No one raised their hand. “Come on, don’t be shy, if you don’t have one, that’s fine, we can work something out.” When no one raised their hand again, the professor clasped his hands together. “Okay, good. Let’s get to work then.”

He opened his laptop and turned it on, connecting it to the projector. As he did that, Cardan passed Jude the stack of papers Dain had handed to the ends of the rows. 

“Pass them on,” he whispered, and Jude shivered at the rasp in his voice, like he’d just woken up.

She did as she was told, taking one for herself and handing the rest to the girl beside her. The professor began explaining the project, and Jude focused her attention on the front of the room.

“I want you to find a theme in one of the books on the list I gave you last class and create a presentation explaining what the theme is, quotes showing the theme and your interpretations, and how this all relates to the human condition,” the professor said, earning a few groans at the word ‘presentation.’ He explained a few more things and then let them go. “If you have any questions, feel free to ask me or Dain!” he called over the noise of people moving to find their partners. 

Cardan looked up from where he was reading the paper with the list of books on them. “Did you already look over this?” he asked.

All of the hope Jude had of this being easy flew out the window. Of course she’d already looked over the paper. It was just a list of books. How dumb did he think she was?

“Yes,” she snapped. “I did. Did you?”

Cardan frowned and cleared his throat. “I did. Which one do you want to pick, then?” 

They both looked down at the paper. Cardan held it between them and Jude’s eyes drifted away from the words and over to Cardan’s fingers where they gently grasped the paper, barely wrinkling it. His nails had dark flecks of paint on them, as if he’d painted his nails and then thought better of it, scrubbing them off before class. One of his fingers had a large ring on it with a design that looked almost like a crest, like those rings they tried to sell Jude during her senior year of high school. 

Cardan turned to her, his face close. “Well?” he asked, clearly thinking she’d lied about having read it and was looking over it now. 

She didn’t know how to explain she’d been staring at his hand so she said, “This one,” and pointed blindly. 

They both looked down where her finger was situated on the paper. 

Cardan made a noise and nodded. “Okay,” he said. “I’ve already read this book before, have you?”

Jude removed her finger and looked down at the book title. She’d never even heard of the book before. 

“Yes,” she lied. 

She didn’t want Cardan to be ahead of her in this. He would have to wait for her to read the book before they could start the project. She’d be dragging them down before they’d even begun.

“Oh, good,” he said, like he wasn’t expecting that answer. “I haven’t read it in awhile, though. It might be better if I reread it before we start the project.”

Jude almost breathed out a huge sigh of relief but nodded her head instead. “Yeah, I’ll do that, too. It’ll be easier to find quotes and stuff while rereading it,” she added.

“I agree,” Cardan said, and Jude couldn’t help the thrill that went through her at those words.

For the remaining class time, they discussed how they would split up the workload and how they wanted to give their presentation. 

When the professor dismissed them, Jude said, “Give me your phone,” before Cardan could leave. She held out her hand, waiting. 

Cardan froze where he’d bent down to pick up his backpack. He looked startled. “What? Why?”

“So we can talk about our project outside of class.” Jude wiggled her fingers.

Sighing, Cardan unlocked his phone and placed it in Jude’s hand. It was the latest edition, not like Jude’s two year old phone. She was tempted to drop it.

She didn’t, instead choosing to type her name and number into his contacts. She handed Cardan’s phone back with a sickeningly sweet smile. 

She should probably be nicer if she wanted to get closer to Cardan, but she’d been nice to him for the past hour. Acting like she genuinely liked Cardan’s company was tiring. She was _exhausted_. 

“Don’t text me unless it’s about the project,” Jude said, not caring that her tone was harsh, and squeezed past him, causing him to sit back down in order to give her room to get past. “See you next time, partner,” she tossed over her shoulder and left the classroom. 

Jude made her way to Hollow Hall, dodging people outside the dining hall attempting to hand her flyers. Inside, she weaved between tables and chairs until she found her sisters and their friends toward the back of the room.

“Hey, guys,” Jude said, plopping down in the open seat next to Taryn. 

“Hey, Jude,” Vivi smiled, removing her arm from where it’d been draped over Heather’s shoulders. “How was class? English, right?” 

Jude nodded and stole a french fry from Vivi’s plate. “It was fine. We started our year long project.”

Taryn turned away from her friend and said, “Wait, so you talked to Cardan today?”

Every head at the table swiveled to look at Jude. She blushed under their gazes.

“You spoke to _Cardan_?” Taryn’s redheaded friend asked. “Cardan Greenbriar?”

“Yeah,” Jude said self-consciously. “I asked him to be partners with me for a project.”

“And he said _yes_?” the boy asked again. 

Jude looked around, frowning. “I’m sorry, am I missing something here?”

Another one of Taryn’s friends spoke up, a pretty girl with green hair. “Cardan never talks to anyone unless it’s to his friends.”

The redhead nodded, and, wow, Jude felt like an asshole for not knowing either of their names. 

“He’s kind of a dick,” he said. “He’s in one of my classes and once, when I asked him for a pencil, he just glared at me and then looked away.”

“Really?” Jude said, getting her own food out of her bag. “He talks to me.”

Taryn’s friends’ eyes almost popped out of their heads. 

“Wow,” the green haired girl said, her smile wide. “He barely gives anyone the time of day. How’d you get in his good graces?”

Taryn’s eyes cut over to her. “Yeah, Jude, what’d you do?” she asked accusingly. 

“Nothing!” Jude said. 

“Be careful with him,” the redhead said. “His family’s… odd.”

 _I know_ , Jude wanted to say, but held her tongue. Instead she said, “So’s mine,” and the redhead laughed.

“Yeah. Yeah, I get that.”

They all went back to eating their food, Vivi and Heather giggling at something on Heather’s phone and Taryn asking her friend questions about their shared class.

Jude picked at her salad. Did Cardan really not talk to anyone else except his friends? At least Jude had the decency to let someone borrow a pencil, but somehow Cardan couldn’t even do that? She frowned down at her food. Why, then, did Cardan agree to work with her? Was it a joke or something? Sabotage? Was he going to ruin their project and go to their professor and blame her? That seemed more likely the more she thought about it. 

She’d be careful with him. She’d get close to find out what Dain wanted, but nothing more. They could not be friends, not when he was someone so vastly different from her, not when she needed this more than he’d ever know.

She was smart, but she wasn’t the kind of smart that ensured you had straight A’s. But if she could ensure she had an A in her english class, she could worry about her other classes, the ones that were making her worry that she might not have a scholarship at the end of the semester, even with her soccer skills.

If Cardan was playing her, she’d turn right around and stab him in the back. She promised herself that.

Jude stood up abruptly, her uneaten salad in her hands. “I’ll meet you at practice, Taryn,” she said at her sisters’ confused glances. She stalked out of the dining hall and went back to her dorm to eat in silence.

_______

  
  


For the first two weeks of October, Jude didn’t speak to Cardan. Their english professor informed them that they would have plenty of time for their project closer to the end of the semester. He’d wanted them to have their partner and their book picked out so they were ready to go. For now, he wanted them to focus on the essay he’d assigned and their midterm coming up. 

Because they were working on other things, Cardan had moved back to his normal seat in front of Jude, with Nicasia on his left. 

Jude had to admit, she sort of missed Cardan sitting beside her, even if it had been for a day. There was something about him that she couldn’t put her finger on, something that drew her to him. 

Then she felt foolish for thinking that. That was what almost every other student in the room thought of Cardan, with his dark hair, mysterious nature, and inky eyes. 

So, Jude couldn’t help when, during the last week of October, a random number texted her and she felt her cheeks heat when she saw who it was.

Of course Cardan had texted her. She’d given him her phone number for a reason.

**(11:12am)**

**Hello, this is Cardan Greenbriar.**

**When would you like to work on our project?**

Jude snorted out a laugh, causing students in the library to send glares her way. She muffled her laughter with a cough. 

Why was he so formal? Who _texted_ like that?

**(11:13am)**

**the professor hasnt** **told** **us to start it yet**

**(11:14am)**

**I’m aware. I was hoping we could get a jumpstart on it.**

**I don’t want to have to work on it while studying for final exams.**

Jude rolled her eyes. Of course Cardan wanted to start their project now. Why was she surprised? But- well, it did make sense. It would lessen her workload around finals time.

**(11:14am)**

**fine**

**im free after 11:30 on friday**

**wby?**

**(11:15am)**

**I’m sorry, what is ‘wby’?**

Jude snorted out another laugh. The boy next to her muttered something under his breath. She cleared her throat and texted back a reply.

**(11:15am)**

**it means ‘what about you’**

**(11:17am)**

**Wouldn’t that be ‘WAY’?**

**Why do you ignore the A in ‘about’?**

**(11:18am)**

**idk**

**i didnt invent texting slang**

**oh and ‘idk’ means ‘i dont know’**

**in case you dont get that one either**

**(11:19am)**

**Oh, how very funny. I actually do know that one.**

**(11:19am)**

**so?? when are you free?**

**(11:20am)**

**Oh, right. Yes, I am free anytime on Friday.**

**(11:22am)**

**cool**

**wanna meet in the library at 12?**

**(11:23am)**

**Yes, that works.**

**(11:24am)**

**see you then**

**have a wonderful day, cardan**

**(11:26am)**

**Why do I feel like you don’t mean that?**

**(11:27am)**

**;)**

  
  


She didn’t know why she was acting so friendly with Cardan. It made sense to do it, since Dain had asked her to get close to Cardan, but she wasn’t texting Cardan winking faces because of Dain. It was because she wanted to. But… why? 

Jude spent the rest of her time in the library doing her math homework. She ignored the fluttery feeling in her stomach at the thought of Cardan texting _her_. Of Cardan agreeing to hang out with _her_ on Friday, even if it was for class. 

She thought of Taryn’s friends’ words, about how Cardan didn’t talk to anyone except his friends.

_How’d you get in his good graces?_

Jude wished she knew. 

_______

  
  


That Friday, after her public speaking class, she cut across campus to get to the library. Her class had ended at 11:45, and she expected to be there earlier than Cardan. However, when she turned the corner, she practically ran into him where he was leaning against the library’s stone wall.

“We have an issue,” Cardan said before she could say anything.

Jude blinked at him, confused. Unlike the other times she’d seen him, he was wearing more comfortable clothes. He was in black sweatpants and a dark green sweater, and his hair was slightly ruffled. If she looked close enough, she thought she could see pillow lines on his cheek. 

Did Cardan sleep in on Fridays? 

The idea was oddly endearing. 

Jude cocked her head and gave him a fake pout. “What? No, ‘hello, Jude, how was your day’?”

Cardan rolled his eyes and put his phone into the pocket of his sweats. “Hello, Jude, how was your day? Boring? Good to know, now, as I was saying, we have an issue.”

Jude ignored the jab and asked, “What?” 

Cardan pointed a thumb over his back and Jude followed the motion with her eyes.

Oh. There was a sign on the library door saying it would be closed for the day for maintenance and _sorry for the inconvenience!_

Jude almost ripped the sign off the door.

She crossed her arms and looked at Cardan. “What now? I’d offer you to come over to my dorm room, but my sister’s probably still sleeping.”

Cardan’s cheeks turned slightly red, and Jude realized how that idea might have sounded to him. 

He cleared his throat. “You have a sister?”

Jude nodded, not really sure why that was important but glad for the subject change. “She’s my twin. So, what now?” she repeated. “We could meet another time? Or go to Hollow Hall or something?” 

“Or, um,” Cardan looked away, almost shyly. “You could come over to my dorm room.”

Cardan wanted her to go hang out with him at his dorm? In his room? Sure, they’d be doing work but this felt important somehow.

“Would your roommate mind?” she asked.

Cardan shook his head. “I don’t have one.”

“What? Jesus, you’re fucking lucky,” Jude groaned. “I’d kill to have a room to myself.” 

“Is that a yes?” Cardan asked, a small smile dancing on his lips. 

It was hard to hate him in that moment.

“Yes, yes, let’s go,” Jude said, waving her hands. “But explain how you got a whole room to yourself on the way.”

Cardan talked as they walked through campus. The sky was cloudy, like it normally was in late October, and there was a cold breeze that whipped through the trees.

“So your roommate just never came back?” Jude asked after Cardan had explained how he’d ended up with a room to himself. 

“No. I assume he dropped out. And then they just never gave me another roommate.” 

They ended up at the other dorm building, the one on the other side of campus, far from Jude’s building. It had the same style, looking like a children’s storybook castle. As they walked up the stairs together, Jude noticed it was the same layout as her dorm. 

When they reached Cardan’s room, situated right at the end of the hallway on the third floor, he said to her, “Sorry about the mess.”

Mess? Jude thought Cardan’s room wouldn’t have a single thing out of place. 

She came to realize that she’d been very wrong. 

Cardan’s room was the same layout as Jude and Taryn’s. His bed was situated against the left wall, and in the corner sat an old bean bag chair. There was a small desk with a chair next to it on the right side of the beanbag, positioned in front of the room’s second window. The only thing that was different to Jude’s room was the extra window, due to Cardan’s room being at the end of the hall. His bed was unmade, clothes were strewn about the floor, and the corner by the bean bag chair was stacked with books. 

It wasn’t a mess, necessarily, but it was messy. 

Jude glanced at Cardan and found him looking embarrassed. 

He walked into his room and set his backpack down on the swivel chair in front of the desk. “I wasn’t expecting anyone,” he said. “As you can see.”

Jude waved her hand. “It’s fine. My room would look like a hurricane blew through it if Taryn didn’t force me to clean it all the time.”

“Taryn?”

“My sister.”

“Ah, right.” 

There was an awkward air between them. This is why Jude wanted to work on their project in public. Being alone with Cardan seemed too… intimate. But that was probably what Dain wanted. It _had_ to be intimate so Cardan would trust her. 

Cardan started moving around the room, picking up his clothes and stuffing them in the laundry basket. “You can sit down, if you want,” he said.

Jude kicked off her shoes and left them by the door like Cardan had done and sat at his desk, putting her backpack on the floor by her feet. She watched Cardan move a few more things and then take a seat on his bed, dropping his backpack in his lap. He pulled out the book they’d chosen and his laptop. He moved his backpack off his lap and replaced it with his laptop. He turned it on and glanced up at Jude.

“How should we start this?” 

Jude got up, grabbed her bag, and sat on Cardan’s bed, facing him, their knees almost touching.

Cardan tensed and Jude wondered if she’d crossed some line she didn’t know about. Were you not supposed to sit on someone’s bed? Were they supposed to tell you it was okay first? She’d never been invited to someone’s room, not since she was little. 

But then Cardan relaxed, and Jude didn’t care if she’d crossed some invisible line. Cardan didn’t seem bothered that Jude had moved closer. 

She pulled out her own copy of the book and set it down beside her. She took out her english notebook with the papers their professor had given them.

“Let’s start with what we think the theme is and figure out how to explain that in a presentation,” Jude answered. 

Cardan nodded. “Alright.”

They spent the next hour going over the plot of the book and its main themes. They chose one and then discussed how they would present it. After another hour, Jude had lay down on Cardan’s bed sideways, her feet hanging over the edge. Cardan had copied her, his long legs almost touching the floor. Their things were strewn to the side.

Staring up at the ceiling, Jude asked, “Why do you think the author wrote her characters without soulmarks?” 

Cardan thought for a moment, his hands behind his head as he also stared up at the ceiling. “Maybe she wanted to show that some people are just destined for each other. Soulmates or not.”

Jude thought of Lili telling her that she believed she and her boyfriend were soulmates, even if they didn’t have the marks to prove it. She thought of her sister and Heather and the marks they did have to prove they were destined for each other. 

Quietly, Jude asked, “Have you met your soulmate?”

The weather outside had changed. The clouds had finally opened up and rain was spitting against the window. Wind whipped the rain, making the world outside Cardan’s room look like a blank landscape. 

It felt like they were the only two people in the world.

Cardan didn’t say anything for a long time, and Jude wondered if he’d fallen asleep. 

She turned her head to the side and saw him frowning up at the ceiling. She wanted to wipe away the crease between his eyebrows and then chastised herself for thinking that. 

Cardan turned his head and his face was only an inch away from her own. He was so close Jude could count every individual eyelash. Her eyes ran over his face, memorizing every detail. The mole at the corner of his eye, so small it could be a freckle. The slight difference between his dark brown eyes and his black irises. The way his lips parted to let out a small breath of air that fanned over her face.

He was like a painting. She didn’t want to stop looking at him.

That was when Cardan sat up abruptly, and the spell was shattered. 

“It’s late,” he said, turning away and clearing his throat. “I have to go meet up with some friends.”

“Oh, right, okay,” Jude said. She put her things back into her backpack and got off Cardan’s bed. She shoved her shoes on and turned to Cardan where he sat at the edge of his bed, his hair ruffled and his eyes even darker in the dim light of the room. “See you later?”

Cardan gave her a stiff nod, and she left the room, closing the door behind her.

It was only when she was stepping out into the rain did she realize she’d asked him a question about soulmarks, not because of Dain’s plan, but because _she’d wanted to._

And she wanted to ask him so many more. 

_______

  
  


The Halloween party was in full swing by the time Jude, her sisters, and Heather showed up. It was at the same frat house as the last party they’d been to, but this time they’d switched the lights to change between orange, green, and purple and stuck some skeletons and spiders out on the lawn.

Vivi and Heather were doing a couples costume. Vivi was dressed as some blonde girl with a sword, and Heather was dressed as a cat girl. She had the ears and everything.

Jude had almost thrown up when they’d arrived together at her and Taryn’s room. It was sickeningly sweet. 

“What are you guys again?” Jude asked as they walked up to the frat house, music already shaking the ground.

Vivi groaned dramatically. “Adora and Catra!” She threw out her hands when she got a blank stare from Jude. “From _She-Ra_!” 

Jude turned to Taryn, and pointed at Vivi. “Am I supposed to know what that is?”

Taryn shrugged. “Don’t ask me.”

Taryn was dressed as Little Red Riding Hood. It was a simple costume, just a short red dress and a red cloak, but Taryn looked beautiful. She always did. 

Even in her own costume, Jude felt inadequate next to her twin. She wondered if she’d ever stop feeling that way. 

They went into the house, and Vivi and Heather were immediately dragged away by their friends. 

Taryn laughed at their retreating figures. “Come on,” she said to Jude. “Let’s get a drink.” 

Jude followed Taryn into the kitchen and took the cup she offered her. A few people came over and talked to Taryn, occasionally talking to Jude, too. She found out that Taryn’s red haired friend was called Ben, and the green haired girl was named Kaye. They seemed unsurprised that Jude hadn’t remembered their names, laughing it off with matching smiles. 

Jude made conversation with Ben’s younger sister, a girl named Hazel, with hair just as wild as his. She was telling Jude about her fencing class when someone gently placed a hand on Jude’s elbow.

“Hello, Jude,” Cardan’s smooth voice spoke close to her ear. 

Jude looked up at him and made sure he saw her roll her eyes. “Cardan,” she replied. “What brings you here? I thought this party wouldn’t be fancy enough for you.”

Cardan smirked at her. “And how do you suddenly know my likes and dislikes?”

“Call it an educated guess.”

Hazel looked between them and pointed over her shoulder. “I’m just gonna-” She left before she could finish her sentence. 

Jude honestly liked talking to her, but she was thankful she’d left them alone. This was the perfect opportunity to talk to Cardan about his soulmark. He’d probably had alcohol and would be easier letting things slip. 

“What are you supposed to be?” he asked, stepping back to look at her, and Jude forgot what she was going to say.

Her costume was a dark red dress with white ruffles along the hem and around her wrists. She wore an intricate gold crown on her head that twinkled against her wavy hair. It was the best Halloween costume she’d ever worn.

“A queen, obviously,” she answered.

Cardan glanced down at the plastic sword strapped to her waist. “With a sword?”

“All good queens have swords.”

Cardan let out a small laugh. It made Jude’s chest tight. 

“I can’t argue with that,” he said.

Jude looked at Cardan’s costume. His outfit was such a dark blue it was almost black. He had a vest and a cloak with gold lining. And, nestled in his black curls, was a gold crown.

“And what are you? A king?”

“Yes, I am.” At Jude’s look, he said, “What? Would you rather I put on a tail? I can go change, if you’d like.” 

“No, no.” Jude smirked and took a small sip of her drink. “It’s just that.” She shrugged. “We match.” 

Cardan gave her a small smile. “Yes. We do.”

They held eyes for a moment, the house lights changing colors, painting Cardan in green, then orange, and then a deep purple. His eyes looked like they were sparkling, and Jude tried to find the similarities between the boy in the dorm room with his sweater and socked feet to this boy in front of her dressed like a king. 

They didn’t seem like the same person. 

Jude’s eyes traveled past Cardan, and she looked over his shoulder to find Taryn and Vivi talking animatedly. Taryn looked flushed, and her smile was wide. Jude frowned.

“I have to go,” she said, pushing past Cardan before he could say anything.

Jude downed her drink and left the empty cup on the kitchen counter. She walked into the house’s smaller living room and placed her hand on Taryn’s shoulder.

Taryn jumped and spun around. Something like disappointment crossed her face before it morphed into a smile.

“Jude! Guess what just happened!” 

Vivi and Heather were staring at Taryn with wide eyes, matching dopey grins on their faces. Heather whispered something in Vivi’s ear, and Vivi basically _cooed_ in Taryn’s direction.

“Uh, I have no idea,” Jude said, looking between the three of them. “What did I miss?”

Taryn smiled even wider, her cheeks a pretty red. “I met my _soulmate_!” she practically screeched.

Jude felt her stomach drop to the floor. It felt like her face had drained of color. She should’ve been happy for Taryn, she should’ve been ecstatic, and yet, she wasn’t. She felt sick. She was happy for her sister, but now she was the only one of them who hadn’t met their soulmate. She didn’t want more of their pitying stares. At least when it had just been Vivi who’d met her soulmate, she’d shared her pitying stares between Jude and Taryn. 

Now all those stares would be for Jude only. 

“What?” Jude asked, finally finding her voice. “Who?”

Vivi, unaware of Jude’s inner turmoil, said, “Remember that redhead she kept stalking?”

“ _Vivi_!” 

“It was him,” Vivi smirked, ignoring Taryn. 

Jude looked around. It was too dark, and there were too many people for her to try and find one guy based on his hair color. “Where is he then?”

“He said he wanted to tell his friends,” Taryn answered, practically bouncing on the balls of her feet. “He said he’d come back once he was done.”

“Oh, wow. So he- he said them?” Jude asked. “Your words?”

“Yeah,” Taryn said, and looked down at the ground shyly. She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. “He asked me if I wanted to dance.”

“What did you say?”

Taryn cleared her throat. “I said I’d love to.”

“And those were his words? Did he show you?”

Taryn frowned and crossed her arms. “Why are you questioning me right now? Do you not believe me or something?”

“No, no, it’s just.” Jude shook her head. “Sorry, I think I drank too much, everything’s kinda confusing right now,” she lied, putting a hand to her head. “I think I’m gonna get some air outside.”

“Oh, okay,” Taryn said, and her frown turned into concern. “Do you want me to come with you? Or Vivi or Heather?”

“No, it’s fine! Wait here for your lover boy.”

Taryn’s smile nearly blinded Jude. “Okay, just text me if you want to head back to the dorms.”

Jude gave her a thumbs up and cut through the crowd before anyone could say something else to her. She headed for the house’s back patio, sliding the door opened and stumbling out. 

The day had been cold and the night was only colder, clouds covering the moon and the stars. There were only two people in the backyard; a boy and a girl whispering to each other, passing a joint back and forth.

Jude stepped off the patio and went deeper into the garden until she found a glass table with weatherworn chairs. She slumped into one and sighed deeply. She watched her breath fade into the night air. She should’ve brought a jacket.

“Hello,” a voice said from behind her.

Jude turned around so fast, she thought she’d snapped her neck. A boy stood near the table, his hands in his pockets.

“I have a knife,” she growled in warning, her hand dipping low where her knife was tucked against her leg under her costume. 

The boy gasped and took a startled step back. “You- You just said my words,” he said, shocked.

Jude frowned and straightened up, her hand dropping from where she’d been reaching for her knife. “What?”

She looked the boy up and down. His hair was reddish, more of an orange color than a real red like Ben’s and Hazel’s hair. He was dressed as a fox, with ears on his head and a tail sticking out the back of his jeans.

 _He_ was Jude’s soulmate?

Maybe she hadn’t been lying to Taryn when she’d said she’d had too much to drink. Here was her soulmate, right in front of her, and yet she was questioning his costume choice at some dumb college party. Why did she always seem to have her guard up?

But still. Something felt off.

He moved forward and sat down in the chair next to her. “You said my words,” he repeated, gently taking her hand in his own.

Jude looked down at their hands clasped together. He ran a gentle thumb over the back of her hand. 

She glanced up at him. “Are you sure?”

The boy laughed. He had a nice laugh. “Trust me. No one’s first words to me are ever ‘I have a knife.’ Did- Did I say yours?”

He had. He _had_.

Why was Jude so worried? Here was her soulmate and she wasn’t _convinced_? 

She ignored the flash of dark hair and dark eyes in her head, ignored the image of an upturned mouth.

“You did,” she said, letting herself have this one thing. He was cute, and he had a warm smile. “I’m Jude.”

“Jude?” The boy’s grin widened. “That’s a beautiful name.”

Jude blushed. “Thanks,” she mumbled.

“I’m Locke,” he said and cocked his head. “I’ll be honest, I didn’t expect to find my soulmate at a Halloween party. Especially not out in the backyard.”

“I didn’t expect to meet mine at all,” Jude answered honestly.

“Oh, shit, I’m sorry,” Locke said, frowning. He let go of Jude’s hand, and she missed the warmth of him immediately. “I wasn’t thinking and I just- Ugh, I gave you such a common word. I’m sorry.”

Jude shook her head. “It’s fine, really. I’m just glad my words were easy for you to recognize.” She hesitated, and then asked, “Can I- Can I see your mark?”

Locke cleared his throat and looked to the side, glancing around at the dark garden. “I mean, I could but, ah.” He gestured to his chest. “I don’t really want to take off my shirt right now.”

Jude felt her face turn bright red and she waved her hands. “That’s fine! I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking, that’s okay, you don’t have to. I didn’t mean to make you uncomf-”

“Jude,” Locke said, cutting her off. His voice was sweet. “It’s alright. I can show you later, yeah?”

At his words, Jude swore her face turned redder than it had ever been before. 

“Yeah, alright.”

Locke suddenly pulled out his phone from his pants and frowned at it. He stood up. “Hey, wow, uh, this is really bad timing, but my friend’s throwing up in the bathroom, and I need to help them get back to their room.” He pocketed his phone and began to walk backwards. “I’m so sorry about this. I really have to go. I’ll see you soon, Jude! I promise!” 

He took off towards the house, leaving Jude alone in the garden, wondering what had just happened.

She’d waited years to meet her soulmate and yet finally meeting him had felt- well, underwhelming. Locke seemed sweet, and he was nice and cute, so why couldn’t she just be happy? Why couldn’t she let herself have this? 

When she went into the house a few minutes later, the cold forcing her back inside, she passed by Cardan where he was sitting on the couch, right by the sliding door. 

He looked up at her when she walked in, and they held eyes for a moment. He was frowning at her.

“What?” she snapped.

The people around her glanced in her direction. A few started whispering to each other and only stopped when Jude shot them dirty looks.

Cardan stood up and gestured to the glass door. “Come outside with me,” he said.

For whatever reason, she followed Cardan back outside. The two people from earlier were gone, and it was just Jude and Cardan out on the back porch alone. 

Cardan walked over and rested his elbows on the deck railing. Jude did the same, her left side pressed up against his right. He took off his costume’s cloak to drape around her shivering shoulders. It smelled like him, like the woods and something sweet. 

“Thanks,” Jude mumbled and drew the cloak closer. She tilted her head back and looked up at the sky.

The clouds were gone and the moon was looking down at them. A star winked.

“Are you alright?” Cardan asked, his voice quiet. His accent was slurred slightly, not as if he was drunk, but just tired.

Jude looked at him. “Do you honestly care?”

“I like to think we’re friends.” Cardan frowned. “Are we not?” 

Jude’s mouth quirked up. She hadn’t thought it would be that easy. “I guess we can be.”

“Good,” he said and gave a small nod. “Now that we’re friends, I think we should be able to talk about things. Such as what’s bothering you.”

“How can you tell something’s wrong?”

Cardan chuckled lowly, his breath coming out in a small puff of vapor in the cold air. “Because you look like you want to hit something. Or someone.”

Jude rolled her eyes. “I always look like that.”

Cardan laughed then, a quiet thing, but a laugh nonetheless. His eyes crinkled in the corners, and Jude saw a flash of white teeth. 

She looked away and said, “I met my soulmate.”

Cardan immediately stopped laughing and tensed beside her. After a brief moment of silence, he asked, almost cautiously, “You have?” 

“Yes. His name’s Locke.” 

Cardan’s shoulders relaxed, and he let out another laugh.

Jude turned to look at him, frowning in confusion.

Cardan shook his head. “Locke is not your soulmate.” 

“What? Yes, he is. He said my words and I said his,” Jude argued, yet couldn’t help but feel relieved that maybe she was wrong. 

“But he didn’t show you his mark, did he?”

“Well, no, but-”

“Trust me, he’s not your soulmate,” Cardan said, like it was so obvious. Like he was telling her the sky was blue. 

Jude crossed her arms and glared at him. “And how do you know that?”

Cardan shot Jude an odd look, the dim light of the Halloween decorations casting shadows on his face. He opened his mouth and then closed it. He looked away from her, focusing on the trees in the yard, a slight furrow between his eyebrows. It seemed like he was going to tell her something, but then he shook his head and said, “Because Locke doesn’t have a soulmark.” 

Jude could only blink dumbly at him. 

Cardan sighed and leaned further over the deck railing, his crown slipping. “I met Locke when we were fourteen. He’d come over to England with his mother for some business trip and claimed we were soulmates just to mess with me. Didn’t work of course, but we ended up becoming friends instead.” Cardan smiled, almost wistfully. 

Jude had never seen so many different emotions on Cardan’s face before tonight. It made her want to see more. What did he look like when he was embarrassed? What did he look like when he was so tired but kept insisting he wasn’t? What did he look like when he was excited? What did he look like when he couldn’t stop laughing? 

“It was nice to have someone my age to hang out with,” Cardan added, chasing Jude’s thoughts away. 

“Wait, wait, wait. Back up. Locke pretended to be your soulmate?” Jude asked. “How did you know he was lying?” 

“Because it was obvious,” he said with no further explanation. 

If Cardan didn’t have a soulmark then he would’ve easily known Locke was lying. Was that what he meant? Should she tell Dain or did she need more proof than a few odd words? 

“Plus,” Cardan continued, “We were young, and he wasn’t as good at lying as he is now.”

Jude rubbed her eye with her hand, tired and confused and desperately needing to hit something. Locke, specifically. “How did he know my words though?”

“Ah, that’s where he messed up with me, since he didn’t know how to greet me.” Cardan fixed his falling crown. “Locke will go around and ask if anyone knows you, and when he finds someone who does, he gets them to tell him what your mark is. And usually where it is.”

“But who would-” Jude groaned. “ _Taryn_.” That blabbermouth. “Oh, I’m going to _kill_ her.”

“Please, don’t. It’s not her fault,” Cardan said. “Locke’s in theater and his major is acting. He claims this is a way for him to practice his skill, but I think he just gets off on messing with people. So. There’s that.”

“What an _asshole_.” Jude shot Cardan a look. “Why are you friends with him?” 

Cardan shrugged. “I’ve known him since we were young. It’s a little difficult to shake someone off when you’ve known them for that long.”

“You need to pick better friends,” Jude said, shaking her head. 

Cardan glanced at her, his perfect mouth curved up and his eyes deep like a lake at night. She couldn’t see where his iris ended. His eyes were blown black. A black hole for Jude to lose herself in.

“But I have you now, don’t I?” he asked, something warm in his words.

Jude looked away, out at the dark yard. “I’m no saint.”

She saw Cardan turn away from her out of the corner of her eye.

“No, I suppose you aren’t.”

They were quiet for a moment before Jude broke it by saying, “I’m going to punch Locke the next time I see him.”

Cardan leaned into her, ever so slightly, and his voice was amused when he said, “I would expect nothing less from you.”

They spent a few more minutes standing in the backyard in silence, the moon and the stars watching them and laughing amongst themselves in the night sky. 

  
  



	3. Chapter 3

“ _Where’s Locke_?” Jude yelled when she entered Hollow Hall on Monday, the first week of November. 

Conversations petered out and every student raised their head, looking around at each other in confusion. 

The day after the party, Jude had dragged herself out of bed, head aching, to find Taryn. She’d walked to Taryn’s first class to break the news to her. When Taryn’s class had ended, Jude had pulled her aside and explained what had happened to her at the party, asking if the guy she’d met was named Locke.

Jude had hated the way Taryn’s face had fallen when she’d given Jude a small nod.

Taryn had missed the rest of her classes. She’d spent the rest of the day in bed. 

Now, the following day, Jude was on a hunt for Locke to make him pay for the shit he pulled with Taryn. And her, too, but mostly Taryn. Jude was good at keeping her heart protected, but Taryn gave hers out to anyone who wanted it. If Jude was stone, Taryn was glass. She broke easier.

“I said,” Jude yelled again, “Where’s _Locke_?” 

She didn’t care what happened. They could suspend her, hell they could expel her, and it wouldn’t matter. No one fucked with her family.

Someone at the table near her pointed a finger toward the back of the dining hall. “I think he’s over there,” they said. 

Jude gave a small thanks and cut through the room, passing by tables as the occupants’ heads followed her. She spotted Cardan first, his black hair dancing with rainbows from the light streaming in through the stained glass window. He was standing at the back of the hall, talking to Locke and Nicasia. He lifted his head up, as if sensing Jude, and caught her eye across the room. 

Her heart leapt.

Then her eyes drifted over to Locke, and her anger bloomed hot and bright.

She saw surprise take over his face when they locked eyes. He quickly schooled his shocked expression into a dazzlingly fake smile. That’s when she realized the smiles he’d given her at the party weren’t real. It was all an act. 

And he’d done the same thing to Taryn. He’d probably never played his little prank on twins before. He must’ve found it amusing. 

But Jude didn’t find it funny at all. She stomped over to him, her hands clenched at her sides. 

Locke opened his arms to her and said, “My soulmate! I’ve been looking for y-” before Jude slapped him so hard across his face that he stumbled, the sound ringing throughout the silent hall. 

Nicasia let out a gasp, and even Cardan made a surprised noise in the back of his throat. The rest of the students in the dining hall were deadly quiet. 

“I didn’t think you were _serious_ ,” Cardan said to Jude, breaking the silence. He was looking at Locke, who had a hand pressed over the side of his face, with wide eyes. 

“To be fair, I’d told you I would punch him,” Jude said back. “Not slap him.”

Locke recovered from his initial shock and straightened up, dropping his hand and glaring at Jude like he wanted to strangle her. He had a bright red mark on his right cheek. 

“ _That_ was for pretending to be my soulmate to fuck with me,” she snapped, loud enough for others to hear. She raised her left hand before he could react and slapped Locke once more, this time on the left side of his face. “And _that_ was for my sister.”

Locke let out a pained nose, close to a growl, and strode toward her, his face a ferocious red. “You’re going to _regret that_ ,” he snarled. He got up close to Jude and pointed his finger in her face. “I’m going to tell the administration that you assaulted a peer and make sure you get expelled and are never allowed back into _any_ university.”

Jude’s smirk fell. She hadn’t been thinking straight. She was just so _angry_ , and she’d wanted Locke to know what it felt like to be hurt like she’d been. Like Taryn had been.

This could ruin her future.

Cardan stepped in front of Jude, blocking Locke. “It was only a matter of time before this happened, Locke. Are you honestly surprised?” 

Locke’s glare softened when Cardan stepped in, but Jude could still see he was clenching his jaw. 

Cardan lowered his voice so only Jude and Locke could hear him. “Do you really want the administration to find out what you did to make Jude upset?”

Locke’s glare came back in full force. “And how would they find out?”

“If you do _anything_ to harm Jude or her record,” Cardan said, his voice so deep it was almost a growl, “I’ll tell them everything.” 

“You wouldn’t dare,” Locke scoffed, rolling his eyes.

“Would you like to see me try?” Cardan asked. “I promise you, I very rarely do not get my way.”

Locke’s scowl fell, and he looked betrayed by Cardan’s words. “Fuck you,” he snapped, and grabbed his backpack off a chair, stalking out of the dining hall. 

People began to whisper amongst themselves, and Jude caught Nicasia looking between her and Cardan, a strange frown on her face. When she caught Jude watching her, she raised an eyebrow and left, following after Locke. 

Jude turned to Cardan, who was watching Nicasia leave. “You didn’t have to do that,” she said.

Cardan looked at her. “I know.”

“Let me handle it next time,” she said, instead of what she wanted to say; _thank you, I was scared for a moment, thank you, I’m sorry, I don’t know how to say it, but thank you._

Cardan held his hands up and shrugged. “Alright.”

“Are you-” Jude hesitated. “Are you and Locke going to be okay?”

Cardan looked back at where Locke had walked out of the room, his eyebrows pinched. “I don’t know.”

Sometimes it hurt to look at Cardan. Jude didn’t know why.

She waited for him to say more, but when he didn’t she said, “Right, well, I need to talk to my sister.” She turned and left, not bothering to wait for Cardan to reply. 

She walked out of Hollow Hall, ignoring the people staring at her as she passed. She made her way back to her dorm, letting the door slam shut behind her. 

There was movement under Taryn’s bedsheets and a muffled, “Vivi?”

“No, it’s me,” Jude replied, moving over to her sister’s bed and sitting down beside her.

Taryn’s head popped out from under the covers. Her hair was a mess and her eyes were puffy and red. 

Jude knocked her shoulder against Taryn’s gently. “You went to class, right?”

Taryn nodded. “I don’t have another class until later.” Her voice was slightly hoarse and Jude let the satisfaction of slapping Locke replay in her mind. 

She couldn’t tell Taryn what she’d done. Taryn would be livid with her.

“Do you want to watch a movie or something?” Jude asked.

Taryn shrugged and propped herself up against her pillows. Jude retrieved her laptop from her bed and came back, climbing under Taryn’s covers.

They picked a random action movie, Jude knowing Taryn wouldn’t want to watch anything romantic right now. They watched for a while in silence, Taryn wiping her nose with a tissue every now and then.

Halfway through the movie, Taryn said, “You seem…”

Jude frowned and looked at Taryn. “I seem…?”

“I don’t know,” Taryn said, still watching the movie. “You don’t seem upset that he wasn’t your soulmate. Just- angry. I guess.”

“Why would I not be angry? He tricked me. He tricked _us_.”

“I feel like you’d be sadder. You thought you’d met your soulmate and then it was taken from you.” Taryn paused the movie and turned to Jude. “Doesn’t that make you sad more than anything else?”

She didn’t know how to explain to Taryn that she’d been relieved that Locke hadn’t been her soulmate. It had been a relief to know her words weren’t scrawled over his heart. It had been a relief yet she couldn’t explain _why_. It was just that- a feeling.

“No,” Jude answered. “It doesn’t.”

Taryn frowned. She watched Jude for a minute and then unpaused the movie, and they went back to watching it in silence.

Jude could tell Taryn wanted to say more, but she ignored the unspoken words between them. She could answer her sister’s questions later.

That was, if she knew how to.

_______

  
  


The third week of November found Jude pelting balls into the soccer goal. Her teammates were passing their own balls back and forth while they waited for their coach to arrive. They ignored Jude as she sent ball after ball into the net, her anger rolling off in waves. 

She’d failed her last math exam, and all that was left was the final. If she failed the final, she was at risk of losing her scholarship. She’d had straight A’s all throughout high school, she’d passed all her tests with flying colors, yet she was struggling _now_ , and she couldn’t figure out why. She didn’t want to return home and tell Madoc that she wasn’t cut out for college like her sisters were. She didn’t have Taryn’s kind smile, her inviting atmosphere. She didn’t have Vivi’s charming personality, didn’t have her wild side that drew everyone’s eye. All Jude had were soccer skills and spite, and those only got her so far. 

At least she and Cardan were almost done with their english project, giving her more time to focus on her other subjects. They’d met up a few times since and Jude hated to admit it, but Cardan wasn’t as bad as she’d thought. Every time she went over to his dorm, she noticed little things about him that made him alarmingly human from the mysterious person she’d pegged him for. There was the fluffy Christmas sock that had fallen behind his laundry basket. There was the tattered book on the little nightstand by his bed, it’s pages filled with colorful sticky notes that poked out of the sides. There was the old, broken alarm clock on his desk, a drawing of Alice from _Alice in Wonderland_ underneath the unmoving hands. 

The clock was the most shocking. It was almost sweet, like he’d kept it from his childhood and couldn’t bear to leave it behind, even if it didn’t work anymore.

Cardan was a lot different from what Jude had once believed.

She kicked another ball toward the goal, but missed, the ball going wide. She growled in frustration, then whirled around when her couch called her name. 

“Let’s go!” her coach yelled. She beckoned Jude over to where the rest of her teammates were, watching her with wary eyes. 

She spent the rest of practice trying not to take her anger out on her teammates.

When practice was over, after she’d accidentally kicked a ball at Taryn’s leg a little too hard, she spotted Cardan in the bleachers, watching the field with cool eyes. His gaze caught on hers, and he gave her a sharp grin.

He was probably there for Nicasia, but the shrill that ran down her spine didn’t know that.

She switched her shoes and then was standing in front of Cardan, hands on her hips and her bag slung over her shoulder. He’d moved down from his usual spot five rows up, choosing instead to sit on the first row of the bleachers which let Jude be closer to him, no row between them. 

“Are you here for Nicasia?” she asked even though she didn’t want to know the answer.

Cardan, oddly enough, shook his head. “I was actually waiting for you.”

Jude willed her heart to calm down.

“I wanted to know if you were free to work on our project,” he continued. “Are you?”

They were almost done with their project, couldn’t this have waited? But this was an opening, and Jude wanted to spend more time with Cardan. She liked his company, though she’d rather die than admit it.

“Yes,” she lied. “I am.” She lifted up her shirt to wipe the sweat off her forehead, dropping it when she heard Cardan made a pained noise. “Uh, you okay?” she asked him, frowning.

Cardan wasn’t looking at her, instead staring at something behind her. “Perfectly fine,” he wheezed. 

“Right…” she said slowly. “Well, I’m ready to go now. Mind if I change in your dorm?”

Cardan cleared his throat. “Yes. That’s fine.” He stood up, and Jude followed him back to campus.

In Cardan’s room, Jude changed her sweat stained shirt for a clean hoodie and switched out her athletic pants for sweats. As she was putting her dirty clothes back into her soccer bag, her phone lit up with a text from Taryn asking Jude to get her tampons from the store, and “anything sweet, literally anything, I’m dying.”

Jude rolled her eyes at her sister’s dramatics and sent her a thumbs up in reply. She walked back into Cardan’s room and found him sitting sideways on his bed, his back against the wall and his feet dangling off the edge. 

“Hey,” Jude said, and Cardan looked up from his book. “I know we were going to work on our project, but my sister just texted and I need to get her some stuff from the store.” She started towards the door when Cardan spoke up.

“I can take you,” he offered. “If you’d like.”

Jude spun around. “You can what? You have a car? _Here_?”

“No, I have a car across the Atlantic. I just felt like telling you for no reason.” Cardan rolled his eyes but there was no malice in the action. “Yes, of course. I have a car here.”

“Why? Where would you need to go besides class?”

Cardan gave her a bizarre look. “Are you not aware there’s a whole world beyond this campus?”

Now it was Jude’s turn to roll her eyes. “Oh, haha, how funny.” She sighed and gestured towards the door. “Alright, let’s go then.”

Cardan gave her a wide smile and grabbed a pair of keys from a drawer in his desk and led Jude out of his dorm and down into a parking structure she’d never seen before. She followed him until he stopped in front of a car.

It was a shiny black and in pristine condition for such an old model. The black tires were rimmed with white and the car’s headlights were perfectly round. It looked straight out of a 60’s spy movie. 

“Wow,” she said, cocking her head as she looked at the vehicle. “I want to say I’m shocked, but honestly, I should’ve guessed this.”

“What are you on about?” Cardan asked. 

Jude gestured at him and then at the car and back again. “Dude, you’re like a walking stereotype. An English guy with _this_ type of car? Could you be more of a cliché?”

“Just get in the bloody car, Jude,” Cardan huffed, climbing in.

Jude laughed and did what he said. “Please tell me it was a birthday present. I’m begging you.” 

Cardan put his hand on the back of the passenger’s seat, right near Jude’s neck, as he looked behind the car to pull out of the parking space. He shifted the car into drive and gave Jude a defeated look. “If you must know, it was a Christmas present.”

Jude howled with laughter as they left Elfhame University behind, the windows rolled down and the cold November air whipping their hair around. 

When they arrived at the nearest Target, only a few minutes away from campus, Cardan acknowledged that he needed to buy a few things too, so they made their way around the store together, grabbing whatever was on their list. 

It was fun, Jude hesitantly admitted to herself. Cardan was _fun_ to hang out with, with his sharp wit and dry humor. 

They matched perfectly. 

She lost him at one point, moving toward the hygiene products while Cardan drifted towards the food aisles. 

After getting what Taryn needed, Jude made her way to the food section, looking down each aisle for Cardan’s familiar loose black curls.

She finally found him in the candy section, his lips pursed as he looked at the different chocolate brands.

He tilted his head when Jude sidled up next to him. “Why are all your sweets shit?” he said, though it came out more like “shite,” and Jude had to hold in her laughter. 

Instead, she scoffed, pretending to be offended. “Our stuff isn’t shit!” 

Cardan pointed at a bag of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. “Those look beyond disgusting.”

“Hey, don’t knock ‘em till you’ve tried ‘em,” Jude said. “Chocolate and peanut butter go well together.”

Cardan made a pained expression. “I’d really rather not.”

Jude couldn’t believe they were fighting over chocolate in the aisle of a Target. Actually, it was them, so, yes, she could believe it.

“Just buy Cadbury or KitKats or something,” she said. “They have those in England, right?” 

Cardan shook his head. It was almost cute, the way his mouth turned into a small pout.

Wait. _Cute_?

“I’ve tried Cadbury here,” he said, and Jude pushed away that thought. “It’s not the same. Neither are Kit Kats. And don’t get me started on your version of Milky Ways,” he continued, giving a small shudder. He looked over the shelves again, searching. “Do you not have Maltesers? _Aeros_?”

“Uh, no,” she answered. “I don’t think so.”

Cardan made a pained noise in the back of his throat. Relenting, he grabbed the bag of Reese’s Cups off the shelf and put them in his basket.

Jude looked at him, one eyebrow raised.

“You said you liked them,” Cardan said at her silent question. “If I end up hating them, you can have the rest.”

“Sounds good to me,” Jude said and grabbed another bag for Taryn, and then they went to check out, bickering about what candies they thought were the best.

And if Jude went back to her dorm, unable to stop smiling, well, no one had to know.

_______

  
  


That Thursday, after her english class, Dain cornered Jude on her way out.

The professor had been discussing their final assignment, mentioning how they only had about two weeks left to put the final touches on their essay and presentation. 

At his words, Cardan had turned around and given her a secret smile that’d made Jude’s cheeks blush. They were almost done with their project. They only needed to figure out how they were going to present it to the class.

When the professor dismissed them, Jude went to talk to Cardan, but Dain sidled up beside her and said, “Hello, Jude. May I speak to you for a moment?”

Jude glanced at Cardan who was watching them warily. Nicasia pulled at his arm, wanting to leave.

“It’s about your essay,” Dain said, a little louder, probably so Cardan could hear.

He must have heard because he gave Jude a look before letting Nicasia tug him out of the room.

Jude crossed her arms and looked at Dain, who asked, grinning dangerously, “Still hate him?”

Jude scoffed and rolled her eyes, but her stomach twisted uncomfortably. “‘Course I do.” She watched as the professor gathered his things and left the room, calling for Dain to lock the door on his way out.

“So,” Dain said once they were alone, “How _is_ your little project coming along?” He leaned back on the professor’s desk and crossed his arms over his chest. He watched her with a carefully blank expression.

“Are you talking about Cardan?” Jude asked.

Now it was Dain’s turn to roll his eyes. “What else would I be asking about? Your actual project?” He waved his hand, as if waving away a fly. “Please, you’ll get an A if you do what I ask, don’t worry about that.” 

Jude took a step back and sat down in one of the theater chairs in the front row. She crossed one leg over the other. “He hasn’t told me much,” she admitted, shrugging.

“Come now, Jude. There must be _something_. It’s been what? Almost two months now?”

Jude bit her lip and looked down. “He did mention something about soulmates.”

Dain perked up and waited for Jude to say more.

“He told me that the first time he met Locke, Locke pretended to be Cardan’s soulmate,” Jude said, watching Dain’s expression.

His face twisted. “That boy is so… Odd.” He glanced back up at Jude. “But that is interesting. Did he tell you how he responded?”

Jude hesitated. “He said… He said it was obvious that Locke wasn’t his soulmate.”

Dain made a humming noise and put a hand to his chin, lost in thought. 

“Maybe it was obvious because Cardan has a really specific soulmark,” Jude offered.

 _Unlike me_ , she thought.

Dain added, “Or maybe because Cardan doesn’t have a mark. It would be easy to tell if someone wasn’t your soulmate if you didn’t have a mark to begin with.”

Jude didn’t want to tell Dain that that’s what she’d thought when Cardan had told her the story. But admitting it out loud felt too final. She hated the idea of Cardan without a soulmate almost as much as she hated the idea of him _with_ one.

Dain cocked his head. “Is there something you’re not telling me, Jude Duarte?”

Jude shook her head, hoping the thoughts running through her mind couldn’t be seen on her face. “That’s the only time he mentioned anything about soulmates. Whenever I bring it up, he changes the subject.”

“Interesting.” Dain uncrossed his arms and gestured to the classroom door. “Well, if that’s all, you’re free to go.”

Jude quickly stood up and swung her backpack over her shoulder. She moved to open the door and then stopped, her hand frozen on the handle. She looked at Dain over her shoulder. “Did Cardan…” She hesitated. “Was Cardan’s childhood good?” Her voice felt large in the empty room.

“I believe so,” Dain said, looking out at the empty seats. “My father was rich. Cardan could’ve had anything he wanted, he just had to ask.”

Jude gave a terse nod Dain didn’t see and walked out, leaving him alone. As she walked into the hallway, Jude swore she saw Nicasia before the figure disappeared around the corner. 

_______

  
  


**(4:53pm)**

**hey cardan**

**are you still on campus?**

Jude texted Cardan the following Friday, the last day before Thanksgiving break. Technically, Thanksgiving break had already started, but Jude had one class on Fridays, so she’d been forced to catch a plane home without her sisters. 

They had both offered to stay an extra day and fly home with her, but Jude had told them it wasn’t a big deal. She could handle being alone on campus for one day. Plus, it gave Vivi and Taryn time to soften Madoc up so he wouldn’t be a complete ass when Jude arrived home. 

**(4:55pm)**

**Yes, I am.**

**Why?**

**(4:56pm)**

**are you free rn?**

**(4:58pm)**

**Not exactly.**

**You can come to my dorm, though.**

**If you’d like.**

Jude shrugged to herself and took that as an invitation to bother Cardan since she didn’t have her sisters to annoy. 

**(4:59pm)**

**okay**

**on my way**

She changed into jeans and an old sweatshirt. She grabbed her things, slipping on her shoes, and left her dorm, making her way across campus.

The sun was setting, and the campus was empty, only a few students making their way to a late class or back to their dorm to pack up their things and head home. Jude envied them, wishing she was with Vivi and Taryn, no doubt sitting in front of the TV with Oak squished between them on the coach.

She wished the morning would come sooner, and she could be hopping on her 6am flight every inch closer to wrapping her little brother in a hug.

The sky was a faint purple by the time Jude reached Cardan’s dorm. She knocked on the door, and immediately it opened to show Cardan standing there, his hair messy and his green sweater rumpled. 

Jude grinned. “You look like shit.”

Cardan mumbled something incoherent and walked back into his dorm, leaving the door open for Jude.

She followed him in, kicking the door shut with her foot. She watched Cardan flop down onto his back on the bed, his arms out at his side. His sweater rucked up, exposing a sliver of skin that Jude made sure not to look at. He wore mismatched Christmas socks on his feet, and he wore pajama pants with comic book characters on them. She’d never seen Cardan so exposed before. He usually held himself together.

This was a Cardan she hadn’t seen before. This was what a stressed Cardan looked like. This was Cardan coming undone. 

“Are you okay?” Jude asked.

Cardan sighed and sat up, running a hand through his messy hair.

Jude could guess how it had gotten that way.

“My professor assigned us an essay due at midnight, and I can’t figure out how to write the rest,” Cardan admitted. He sounded tired.

“An essay? Due _tonight_? Doesn’t your professor know we’re on break?”

Cardan shrugged. “If she knows, she doesn’t care.”

Jude made an annoyed noise. “I hate professors like that.” She moved and sat down beside Cardan on his bed, making sure they weren’t touching. “Sometimes when I’m stressed,” she told him, “I go kick around a soccer ball.”

“A football,” Cardan corrected.

Jude rolled her eyes. “Yes, that.” She looked at him and pretended she didn’t notice how close their faces were. “Want to go kick a ball around?”

Cardan thought for a moment and then shrugged. “Alright. I suppose anything is better than staring at my laptop screen with no inspiration.” 

“That’s the spirit,” Jude said and dragged him back to her dorm to grab her soccer ball.

They ended up kicking the ball back and forth on a large grassy area a few minutes away from campus. It wasn’t a soccer or football field, really, more just an open space that backed up into the famous woods that surrounded Elfhame University. 

There were stories the college students would tell each other about the woods, especially around Halloween. Especially, when they’d been drinking. They claimed a faerie king lived in the woods, and sometimes you could hear him crying to his lost queen to come home. 

Jude didn’t believe those tales for a second, but with the sun below the horizon, the woods looked deeper and darker than she’d ever seen them before. It didn’t seem too obscure to imagine a faerie king in there, waiting for his queen to return.

“When are you leaving for break?” Jude asked as she kicked the ball to Cardan.

He had changed into dark sweatpants and had put on regular shoes. He looked slightly less stressed than he’d been back in his dorm, and Jude clapped herself on the back for coming up with this brilliant plan. 

“I’m staying here,” Cardan said and kicked the ball back to her.

Jude looked up sharply, and the ball rolled right past her. She ignored Cardan pointing out that she’d missed it. 

“You’re not going home for the break?” Jude asked, and whatever Cardan could hear in her voice made him pause.

“Well, no,” he said, standing up straighter. “It’s too far for me to go for just a week. Plus, we don’t celebrate Thanksgiving.” Cardan gave her a smirk. “Maybe you forgot that?”

Jude made sure Cardan could see her rolling her eyes and ran to get the ball. 

They kept passing the ball back and forth for a few more minutes, until it became too dark to see each other. There were no lights this far away from campus, making the world seem much darker than Jude was used to.

They eventually gravitated towards each other, each of them being the only familiar thing in a sea of dark shapes. 

Cardan sat down on the wet grass, and Jude sat down next him, setting the muddied soccer ball beside her. Cardan then lay down on his back and looked up at the stars. Jude followed suit and lay down, the wetness seeping into her sweatshirt, no doubt leaving a muddy stain.

It felt worth it, though.

“Don’t want to go back and work on your essay, yet?” Jude asked, her hands behind her head as she looked up at the night sky. She could see her breath in the cold air.

Cardan groaned beside her, and Jude could almost picture his furrowed eyebrows. “I thought this little outing was supposed to make me forget about it, not remind me.”

“Whoops,” Jude laughed. 

Cardan didn’t seem too worried about leaving, so Jude relaxed beside him and enjoyed the view of the sky. This far out, the lights of the university weren’t blocking out the stars. They were still dim in comparison to the night sky in other, more secluded areas, like her hometown, but this was the best spot to stargaze Jude had been able to find at Elfhame.

Back home, it only took a few minutes of driving to find a spot somewhere in a field to star gaze. Maybe her siblings would agree to go with her to look at the stars when she went home for the break. She knew Oak would enjoy it. 

“You never really talk about your family,” Jude noted as she thought of her own. “Do you like them?” She imagined Dain’s annoyingly symmetrical face, and how he wanted Jude to find out about Cardan’s soulmark because he cared for his brother. But from the way Cardan ignored Dain in class and how he never mentioned his family, it sometimes made her wonder if she was missing some of the puzzle pieces. 

“It’s… Complicated,” Cardan said after a moment, his gaze still on the dark purple sky. “I was never really close with anyone, not like how I know you and your sisters are. I’m the youngest of my siblings, and once they were all old enough to leave, they did. I don’t blame them for leaving. My father wasn’t… Well, he wasn’t a kind man,” he said, like this was all normal. “I would have done the same.”

Jude understood it then. It was why, even though Locke and Nicasia weren’t nice people, Cardan still kept them around. He may have had a family, but he’d grown up alone.

“Is your father not alive?”

Cardan shook his head. “He died two years ago.”

“Oh.” Jude wasn’t sure what to say. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Cardan said. “I’m not.”

They fell back into comfortable silence, but there was something that kept bothering Jude.

“Why did you agree to work with me?” she said to the stars. From the corner of her eye, she could see Cardan turn his head to look at her.

“I don’t know,” he said, unbothered by the subject change. He said nothing else, and Jude felt warm under his gaze. Slowly, so, _so_ slowly, Cardan reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. 

When he pulled his hand away, Jude turned her head to look at him. 

Cardan’s face was flushed, though she didn’t know if it was because of the cold or because of what he’d just done. His eyes were wide and somehow bright, despite the darkness around them. 

His lips were slightly parted, his breath coming out in a fog, and Jude wanted nothing more than to lean forward and-

“Jude,” Cardan whispered, moving closer.

 _That_ snapped Jude out of her thoughts, and she sat up quickly, blood rushing to her head. “We should go,” Jude blurted. “It’s- It’s getting dark.”

Cardan silently sat up beside her, watching her from the corner of his eye, like she was a wild animal ready to bolt.

She felt- Well, she didn’t know _what_ she felt. She felt confused and foolish and slightly scared and angry. Mostly angry. 

Jude didn’t wait for Cardan to get up. She grabbed the soccer ball and walked back to campus. She could hear Cardan rushing to catch up with her, but she didn’t slow down or look back.

When she reached her dorm building, she went to open the door and bolt up the stairs to her room, but Cardan caught up and grabbed her wrist. 

“Jude, wait-” 

“Let go of me,” she snapped, yanking her arm out of his grasp.

Cardan snatched his hand back like she’d hit him. To an outsider, he would’ve looked calm, but Jude knew him. She knew she’d struck a nerve.

She went to grab the door handle again when Cardan asked, desperately, “Did I do something wrong?” His voice cracked on the last word. 

Jude hesitated. Her hand was still on the handle, and she could see her reflection in the glass, lit by the light coming from inside the building. She could also see Cardan over her right shoulder, watching her.

She wanted to turn around and tell him she was sorry, that she hadn’t meant to hurt him. She wanted to gently take his hands in her own. She wanted to cup his face in her hands. She wanted to kiss him more than anything in the world. 

And because of all that she wanted, she turned around and spat, “I am _not_ your friend. _We are not friends._ All we did was work on a project together. Now we’re done with it.”

Cardan’s expression shifted into a scowl. “So, what? You wanted to kick a ball around with me because we’re _not_ friends? You texted me, asking to hang out, because you _don’t_ like me? How does that make _any_ bloody sense to you, Jude?”

“Maybe, in our own little world we could be friends,” she said. “But in reality, it doesn’t work like that. We don’t work like that.”

“What are you _talking about_?” Cardan sounded hysterical. 

Jude was glad no one was around to see.

“Because you can have literally anything you want. You could have any car, any house, any job, while I have to fight just to be seen as worth half as much as you.”

She’d been thinking about this for a while. How Cardan had grown up with more money than Jude could imagine. How Cardan excelled at college and yet Jude was falling behind. How Cardan had grown up with a broken family, but a family nonetheless. 

How Cardan had so much and Jude had so little.

That was why she was angry. It was the truth. But it wasn’t the _whole_ truth. 

“Money doesn’t buy everything,” Cardan said bitterly. 

Now it was Jude’s turn to scowl. “Please, like you couldn’t just get on a plane and go on vacation right now. I would kill to be able to do that.”

“But I don’t _want that_ ,” Cardan said, like Jude wasn’t understanding. “The things I want, I can’t just _buy_ them.”

“But you can still-”

“Why are you acting like money solves all of my problems?” Cardan asked coolly. “If anything, it’s made things worse for me.”

“Unbelievable.” Jude shook her head, bewildered. “So, what? You’d give that all up?”

“In a heartbeat,” Cardan said honestly. 

Jude practically growled and got in Cardan’s face, pointing a finger at him. “ _You_ don’t know what it’s like to be in foster care, paranoid you’ll be separated from your siblings. _You_ don’t know what it’s like being adopted, afraid they’ll kick you out because your sister won’t stop picking fights with your adoptive parents. _You_ don’t know what it feels like to be terrified of your future. _You_ don’t know what it’s like to be worried that you’re not going to graduate and find a job when you can _barely_ _pass a class_ ,” Jude yelled and then took a wobbly step back, wiping away angry tears. 

She didn’t know when she’d started crying.

Cardan took a hesitant step closer. “This isn’t just about me, is it?”

Jude shook her head and cried harder. “I don’t get what’s wrong with me. I’m just- I’m struggling. I’ve barely made any friends, my sisters are figuring their lives out and making connections, meanwhile my life seems to be falling apart, and I don’t know _why_.”

Cardan grabbed her elbow gently, and that was enough to have Jude moving into his arms, burying her face into the crook of his neck.

“You’re just stressed, Jude. That’s all,” he whispered and rubbed her back. “You just need help. There’s nothing wrong in asking for it.”

“I’m not _weak_ ,” Jude said into his shirt.

Cardan replied, almost sadly, “Since when is admitting you need help weak? I would think that’s a pretty brave thing to do.” 

Jude let herself treasure this moment; Cardan’s warm body beneath her, his hand on the small of her back, his soft voice near her ear. Then she stumbled out of his arms, feeling cold immediately. “I shouldn’t have- I’m sorry,” she said, defeated. “I didn’t mean what I said.”

“You’re hurting. I get it.”

“I still shouldn’t have said those things to you,” Jude said.

“I know.” Cardan said and brushed away the hair on Jude’s forehead. “But I understand.” 

Jude ducked her head and gestured to the door. “I should go. I have an early flight tomorrow.” 

Cardan nodded and watched her turn away. Before she closed the door behind her, he said, “Jude?”

She looked up at him, expecting nothing. Expecting everything. 

“Yes?”

They stared at each other, and it felt like no one else in the world existed. _Nothing_ else existed. Just them; two breathing bodies with so much to say they didn’t know where to begin. 

“I- I’m-” Cardan bit his lip and looked away. “Happy Thanksgiving.” 

Jude didn’t let the disappointment show on her face. “I would say the same to you, but. Well, you know.”

“Yeah,” Cardan laughed, a little sadly. He still wouldn’t look at her. “I know.” 

“Bye, Cardan,” Jude said and let the door close.

She watched him mouth, “Goodbye, Jude,” through the glass door. 

She wished she could say more. She wished she could look him in the eye and say, _I lied. I’m a liar. There’s more. There’s so much more._ She wanted to run outside and grab his hand so he could feel her trembling and admit, _I think I’m in love with you, but what’s the point when we’re destined for other people? What’s the point in loving you when you will never feel the same way?_

 _I can’t tell you all this,_ Jude thought as she took a step back, _because I don’t know what would happen if you never spoke to me again._

_I can’t risk it because I think it would break me, and I’m already cracking._

Jude didn’t wait for him to leave. She turned around and went to her dorm to pack her bag, all while being unable to shake the feeling that this goodbye felt like the last. 

_______

  
  


Jude sat on the front porch, frowning down at her phone. She’d texted Cardan that morning, jokingly wishing him a Happy Thanksgiving, but he hadn’t responded. He’d read it, but he’d never texted back. That had been hours ago.

Was he still mad about the fight they’d had? He hadn’t seemed angry about what she’d said, more worried about how she was acting. In the moment, he hadn’t seemed too upset, but maybe, later on, he’d realized Jude was too much to handle. Maybe he didn’t want to speak to her anymore and was hoping she’d get the hint. 

What he was doing right now? Was he out with friends? Or was he alone in his dorm, waiting for everyone to come back? She could picture him in his bed, in his patterned socks, watching a movie on his laptop, his hair wild against his pillow. 

“What are you doing out here?” Vivi said from behind Jude, startling her. She came up beside her and sat down, leaning forward to look at her phone. “Who are you texting?”

Jude sighed and turned off her phone. She fiddled with it in her hand. “No one.”

“You came out here just to text them. That doesn’t seem like no one,” Vivi teased. “Who are they?”

“Just some guy I was partnered with for a project,” Jude answered.

“Cardan?” Vivi guessed, and Jude nodded. 

She looked out beyond the porch at the dark streets she’d played in when she was little. The neighbor’s house, the one whose cat she used to look after, had their living room lights on. Some houses on the street already had Christmas lights up. It felt like a different world than the one she’d left back at Elfhame. 

The front door creaked open. “What’s going on out here?” Taryn said, halfway out the door. She held Oak in her arms, who was trying to get down. Taryn obeyed and set him on the porch, and he walked over to Jude and plopped himself into her lap. 

“We’re having pie. We came to get you,” he said, pulling at Jude’s hair, not hard enough to hurt.

“Oh, are we now?” she grinned and tickled his stomach, causing him to giggle. Over his laughter, she asked, “Pumpkin pie?”

“ _Duh_!” he said between fits of giggles, and Jude wrapped her arms around him.

Taryn came over and sat on Jude’s other side, situating Jude between her sisters, her brother in her lap.

In that moment, Jude could understand what Cardan had meant about money not being able to buy everything. She couldn’t buy this feeling. 

“So,” Vivi said, watching Oak turn around in Jude’s lap and lean against her like she was a very comfortable chair. “This guy…”

Taryn perked up. “What guy? Are we talking about Cardan?”

“What?” Jude looked at her twin. “How do you know?”

“Because you’ve been obsessed with him since the first day of your shared class,” Taryn said. “And, like, who else would it be?”

Had she really been that obvious? Was she the only one who hadn’t noticed her feelings for Cardan change until it was staring her right in the face? 

Vivi was watching Jude closely. “So, what’s the deal with him?” she asked.

Jude didn’t know when her feelings for Cardan had gone from friendship to something else. Was it when Cardan had led her out to the garden at the Halloween party and loaned her his cloak? Or was it when they were laying on Cardan’s bed and he’d told her he believed everyone was destined for someone? Or was it when Cardan had shown up at her dorm one afternoon to give her the rest of the Reese’s Cups he didn’t want and they’d ended up hanging out? Or was it only last week when they were laying on the cold grass and Cardan had whispered her name with an emotion Jude didn’t recognize?

Or maybe it was all those times added up together into a four letter word that now lived in the space between Jude’s ribs. 

_I love him_ , Jude thought. _I think I’ve loved him for a long time now._

_I love him, though I desperately wished I didn’t._

“It’s… Kind of complicated,” Jude said, wincing at how pathetic that sounded.

“So explain it to us,” Taryn said and leaned back on her hands, waiting. 

Jude sighed and came out with it. “I’ve been keeping something from him.” 

Her sisters waited for her to elaborate, so she did. She told them everything.

She told them how Dain came to her at that party back in September and asked her to find out about Cardan’s soulmark. She told them how Dain had offered her a sure A in the class if she told him what she’d found. She told them how she’d gotten closer to Cardan and realized he wasn’t a bad person, how she actually liked hanging out with him. She told them how she’d become his friend, about how they texted constantly, over the dumbest things.

And, finally, she told them how she’d almost kissed Cardan, but had felt sick with the guilt inside her that she’d pulled away.

When she was done, she looked down at Oak in her arms where he played a game on her phone, making happy noises every now and then. 

Vivi let out a low whistle. “Well. That’s a lot to take in.”

They all looked out at the dark street, the neighbor’s Christmas lights blinking steadily, mimicking dripping icicles. The only sound was Oak tapping away on Jude’s phone.

“I can understand why you did it,” Taryn spoke up. Her voice was quiet. “You thought Dain just wanted to know if his brother was doing okay. But families are weird.”

Jude almost laughed at that. It felt like an understatement. 

“It might seem like Dain really wants the best for Cardan,” Taryn continued, “but you don’t know the truth behind it. If Cardan doesn’t want his brother in his business, you should respect that.”

Jude saw Vivi nod beside her. “You don’t know what their relationship is like. There might be a reason that Cardan doesn’t feel comfortable talking to his brother about personal things.”

“I know.” Jude sighed and ran a hand through her hair. “I know. You guys are right.”

“We’re-” Vivi leaned forward and pointed at Taryn. “Did you get that on video? Jude said _we’re right_!”

Jude shoved Vivi’s shoulder, causing her to laugh. “Knock it off! I can admit when I’m wrong!”

At that, Taryn let out a peal of laughter. It was an ugly laugh, the laugh she didn’t care if her sisters heard. “Jude, that’s-” She cut herself off with a snort. “You _hate_ admitting you’re wrong!” 

Jude pouted. “If you’re going to act like that, I’m retracting my statement.”

“No, don’t!” Vivi exclaimed. “Sorry, sorry,” she said and honestly sounded apologetic. “Let’s talk about how you have feelings for Cardan instead.”

Jude deflated. “I’d really rather rather not.”

“I take it he’s not your soulmate?” Taryn asked.

Jude shook her head. She didn’t want to admit that he’d said her words but she hadn’t said his. She didn’t want to see their pitying faces. It had happened too many times to count. 

“I mean, it’s not weird to like someone before you’ve met your soulmate,” Taryn said at Jude’s silence. “It’s normal.” 

“I know, it’s just- We’re sort of friends now. It feels like another thing I’m lying to him about.”

“So then tell him the truth,” Taryn said. “ _All_ of it.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I should,” Jude replied. “I will.”

And she meant it. As soon as she was back at Elfhame, she would tell Cardan the truth. 

Why Jude had wanted to be his partner. The deal with his brother. Her unrelenting crush.

She would tell him, even if it meant he would never speak to her again. And if it broke her? Well, she only had herself to blame. 

“Are we just going to skim over the fact that you were willing to sell Cardan out for an A, ‘cause, like, come on, Jude,” Vivi said. “That’s a _little_ fucked up.”

Oak dropped Jude’s phone and looked up at Vivi, suddenly interested in the conversation. “Fuck!” he chirped.

That broke the serious tension, and Jude barked out a laugh.

Vivi’s eyes went wide. “No, no, _no_! Do _not_ repeat that!” 

So, of course, Oak said it again.

Vivi groaned, and Jude and Taryn laughed at their siblings. 

“I won’t say it ever again, if you take me to eat pie right now,” Oak said. His arms were crossed and his nose was stuck up in the air.

Jude could picture him ruling the world when he was older. 

“Okay, jeez, fine,” Vivi said, and Oak scrambled out of Jude’s lap to race to the door. Vivi stood up and pointed at Jude. “We can discuss your weird morals some other time,” she said. “Right now, I think Oak has the right idea. I’m dying for some pie.” 

Oak banged his little fists on the front door, and Vivi opened it for him. He looked up at her, a cheeky smile on his face and said, “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” before darting into the house.

“Oak! No! Oh my _god_ , Oriana’s going to _kill me_ ,” Vivi whined, charging after Oak as she yelled his name. 

“Come on,” Jude said, helping Taryn up. “Let’s at least enjoy some pie before Vivi’s funeral.”

_______

  
  


Jude anxiously tapped her foot on the ground outside Cardan’s dorm room. She noted the worn carpet, the peeling walls. She had yet to knock.

After she’d arrived back at Elfhame with Taryn and Vivi, she’d hurriedly unpacked her clothes, changed, and sprinted out the door, her sisters’ cheers of ‘good luck’ following her down the corridor. She’d thought of every worst case scenario as she’d made her away across campus to Cardan’s dormitory. 

She’d thought of Cardan’s expression closing off after she told him the truth. She’d thought of him yelling at her, causing a ruckus as he shoved her out of his room. She’d thought of him saying nothing, just shaking his head and ignoring her until she let herself out.

But despite all her fears, she was standing outside his room, heart on her sleeve.

Jude took a deep breath and rapped her knuckles on Cardan’s door. 

Almost immediately, like he’d been waiting for her, Cardan opened the door. He was dressed comfortably in black sweatpants and a dark blue sweater. Jude’s mouth quirked up at the sight of his feet decked out in his usual Christmas socks. 

Last time she’d seen him, they’d been arguing, and she had forced herself not to confess to him. She hadn’t wanted to admit that she felt more than friendship for Cardan. 

But she was tired of lying and pretending, even if withholding the truth from Cardan meant she would get what she’d wanted in the beginning. Getting the highest grade in the class didn’t feel like a victory anymore if Cardan no longer wanted to speak to her.

“Hello,” Cardan said. Immediately, something felt off. “Why don’t you come in?”

He seemed different- like he was acting colder than usual. 

“Um, okay,” Jude said and stepped into his room.

It was probably nothing. It was probably her own feelings getting in the way, imagining things that weren’t there. 

She went and sat on his bed, and Cardan sat beside her. There was an awkward silence between them. Did Cardan feel it, too?

Well, she might as well say what she came to tell him.

“Cardan-” she tried but was cut off.

“Did you know I hate my family?” Cardan said. He was looking straight ahead at the wall across from the bed. “I told you I wasn’t close to them, which is true, but I also hate them. I left that little piece of information out.”

Outside, rain began to pour down, and somewhere in the distance there was the crash of thunder.

“I never knew my mother, and my father neglected me from the moment I came into this world,” Cardan continued. “All my siblings were older than me, and they left by the time I was old enough to understand that most families actually act like families. That’s not something made up for television.” 

The rain outside came down harder, and Jude was worried it would shatter the glass. 

“Then my father died, and I thought that maybe my siblings would see that we only had each other, and that this was a chance to rekindle our broken relationships. But they had moved on with their lives. They didn’t care about their little brother. A brother they hadn’t grown up with.” Cardan sighed and clenched his fist. “That’s when I truly started to hate them. I was only sixteen.” He turned to Jude on the bed and moved closer to her.

A lightning strike lit up the world outside and then the room went dark, the power cutting out. Cardan’s face was backlit by the grey world outside. Lightning struck again, and Jude saw that his eyes were full of unshed tears.

Oh. 

Oh. She should tell him. She needed to tell him. He deserved to know-

“Jude,” Cardan said, his voice hoarse with a hint of longing, and she forgot everything.

Jude didn’t know who moved first. 

Suddenly, Jude’s lips were on Cardan’s, and his hands were on her waist, and her hands were in his hair, and the lightning lit up bright bursts behind her eyelids like fireworks. 

It was just like she’d imagined it, and yet completely different. It was better. Cardan’s hair was soft, and his lips were warm, and Jude never wanted to stop.

She- Shit, she _loved_ Cardan. She well and truly loved him. It was too exhausting to pretend she didn’t. She no longer had it in herself to be scared about it anymore, not when he kissed her like that. 

Cardan pulled back, and Jude blinked her eyes open. He was watching her intently, a furrow between his eyebrows like he was in pain. She would’ve thought she’d done something wrong if Cardan hadn’t pulled her close and took her hand and placed it on the hem of his sweater. 

Jude ran her fingers over the soft fabric. She didn’t understand what he was asking of her. She met his eyes and he gave a small nod. She didn’t know how to describe the look on his face. He looked almost- sad. Resigned. 

He placed his hand over hers and helped her lift his shirt over his head. 

She froze. 

There, above his heart in her own handwriting, were the words, _Hi, my name’s Jude Duarte._

They’d been at the park. They’d been on the swings. 

_Hi, my name’s Jude Duarte_ , she’d said. 

_Hello_ , he’d replied quietly, like he’d been expecting something.

Like he’d been waiting for her to realize what he’d said. 

_Hello, hello, hello-_

Jude scrambled off his lap. “No, no, no,” she pleaded. He couldn’t be her soulmate. She- she would know. He would’ve told her, right? _Right_?

Jude looked at his face, but it was stony. The softness she’d seen in his eyes before was gone. 

“Will you run off and tell my brother now?” Cardan said harshly. He stood up abruptly, his hands clenched into fists.

Jude was lost. She couldn’t wrap her head around what was happening. “Your- what?”

“I know what you did,” Cardan said, and Jude felt her heart drop to the floor. “My brother’s tried this before. I had my suspicions when you started asking about soulmarks. But I thought maybe you knew we-” he cut himself off, but Jude could guess what he’d been about to say. 

She felt sick. 

Cardan looked away from her, his profile lit up by the lightning flashes. “I didn’t want to tell you. It just- it all seemed too good to be true,” he said, his demeanor dropping as quickly as it came, like he had no fight left in him. He said it so quietly it was almost drowned out by the thunder. “I thought that maybe it was going to be another trick.” Cardan glanced at her. “Seems as if I was right. I can’t exactly say it was a shock to learn you’d hurt me, too.”

Jude flinched. “Cardan, I-” She reached out to touch him, but he moved away before she could.

He straightened up, his face devoid of all emotion. “You want the highest grade in the class, don’t you, Jude?” His mouth turned up into a nasty sneer. “Well, congratulations. It’s now yours.” Cardan turned on his heel and left the room, slamming the door shut behind him, leaving Jude alone in his room, the rain slipping down the window like the tears on her cheeks.

 _I think soulmarks just make it easier to not mess up,_ Lili had told her months ago. _And yet, somehow, people still do._

Jude had messed up.

Jude had gotten it wrong.

Jude had gotten it _spectacularly_ wrong. 

And she didn’t know if she could ever make it right.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone’s interested, while writing the very last scene I was listening to The Heart Is a Muscle by Gang of Youths… On repeat… Take that as you will.
> 
> Also, please let me know if you see any typos or continuity errors. With long fics like this, I often miss a few things. 
> 
> With that out of the way, enjoy!

It snowed the first week of December. The snow covered the campus in a gentle blanket of white, and it made the world outside seem still. Quiet.

Jude hated it. 

It felt wrong after everything that had happened. The world outside should be ending. It should be in flames, in chaos. It should not be a delicate place patiently waiting for something to ruin it.

It was already ruined. 

Jude sat in her english class, not paying attention to a word the professor was saying. She was staring at the empty chair in front of her. She thought of the long fingers that would tap little rhythms on the desk. The way he’d run his fingers through his hair. How, when he was tired, he would rest his chin in his hands, his eyelids drooping ever so slightly. 

This was the first time Cardan had skipped class. And it was Jude’s fault. 

She just wanted to go back to her dorm and curl up in a ball and never go outside again.

Her eyes moved from the empty seat to Nicasia, who was idly doodling in her notebook.

Jude had an idea. A dumb idea, but an idea nonetheless. 

When class ended, Jude quickly shoved her things into her backpack and threw it over one shoulder.

“Remember,” the professor said as everyone packed up their things. “Your project is due next week! The last day of this class, don’t forget it!” 

His voice cut off as the classroom door closed behind Jude. She spotted Nicasia turn the corner, and Jude ran after her.

She caught up to her and grabbed her shoulder. Nicasia spun around and knocked Jude’s hand away. There was a scowl on her face.

When she saw who’d touched her, the scowl deepened. “What do you want?” Nicasia spat, her arms crossed over her sea green coat. 

“Is Cardan okay?” Jude asked and realized how dumb that sounded.

Of course he wasn’t okay. He’d found out his soulmate had been lying to him. Had Cardan even told Nicasia what Jude was to him? 

Nicasia rolled her eyes. “He found out his friend was going behind his back to talk to his brother. How do you think he’s doing, Jude?” 

Well, that answered her question. Cardan likely hadn’t told anyone they were soulmates. And neither had Jude. It looked like it was their own little secret. 

Nicasia added, “What did Dain offer you?” as she frowned at Jude, like she was trying to figure her out.

“An A in the class,” she answered.

Surprisingly, Nicasia didn’t degrade her for wanting something that probably came naturally to her. “And what? That was worth it?”

No. No it wasn’t.

When Jude didn’t answer Nicasia asked, “What did Dain want you to do in return?” 

That Jude could answer. “He wanted me to find out about Cardan’s soulmark. He said he wanted to make sure his brother was okay. That if he didn’t have one, Dain wouldn’t care and would be there to support him.”

At that, Nicasia let out an unattractive snort. “And you _believed_ that?”

Jude blushed. 

“Dain doesn’t give a fuck about soulmarks,” Nicasia explained. “Definitely not Cardan’s. He just wanted leverage. Something to hold over Cardan’s head.”

Jude shook her head as if it could clear away her confusion. “Why would Dain want that? Why would he _need_ that?” 

“That I can’t tell you,” Nicasia said. “It’s not my place.” 

Jude understood. Nicasia probably didn’t want to go telling Jude all about Cardan’s relationship with his brother after the stunt she’d pulled. 

Figuring their conversation was over, Nicasia started walking backwards. “Admit it, Jude,” she smirked, uncrossing her arms and dropping her hands into her coat pockets. “Dain played you. And you had no idea.” She turned around and walked off, not giving Jude time to respond.

She was right, of course. Dain had tricked her. 

God, she wanted to find Dain and slap him harder than the time she’d slapped Locke. 

None of this would’ve happened if Cardan had just told her that they were soulmates from the start, but she could understand why he hadn’t. She’d practically proved him right by doing what she’d done. 

Cardan had wanted to find out if he could trust Jude before he told her the truth, and Jude had ruined it. Cardan had withheld the truth from her, sure, but she had done much, much worse to him. If she wanted to fix what she’d broken, she’d need to find Cardan and apologize, if he’d let her. 

But, before that, she had some things she needed to do first.

_______

  
  


The next day, a cloudy Wednesday, Jude asked Taryn to take her soccer bag back to the dorm for her. Taryn gave her a questioning look, but didn’t ask where Jude was going. 

She booked it off the field, ignoring Lili calling her name, asking if she wanted to get food. She threw her big jacket over her soccer jersey as she stalked through campus. The sun was setting earlier and earlier and, as Jude barreled into the library, the lampposts spread out across the campus flickered on. 

She marched to the back of the library, her sight set on the blonde haired man sitting at a table by large windows. She walked right up to him and snapped, “You, me, outside, right now,” while ignoring the stares she was getting.

Dain, completely calm, raised one eyebrow. It was such a Cardan gesture Jude wanted to smack him. He glanced at the girl in front of him. “I’m tutoring someone right now,” he said.

“That’s fine,” Jude replied and flopped down into an open chair, giving the student a sharp grin. “I can wait.” 

Dain rolled his eyes and ignored her, turning back to his student. 

Jude sat there for the next fifteen minutes, leaning back in the chair, arms crossed as she watched Dain help the student on her final essay. The girl kept glancing at Jude, no doubt confused as to why she was there, waiting for them to finish their study session. Every time she looked up, Jude would give her a dangerous smile. 

Finally, Dain let her go, and the girl practically scrambled out of her seat and out of the library. 

Jude stood up, pushing the chair under the table. She crossed her arms and cocked her head. “Ready?”

Dain shouldered his bag and gestured for her to walk. 

She left the library, Dain close on her heels. She led him across campus to a spot behind the cafeteria that she’d found the first week at Elfhame. She’d been trying to find places where not many people were and had stumbled upon the spot accidentally. It was a secluded area, with an old table and two rickety chairs, that most students ignored.

Dain glanced at the chairs and, deciding he’d rather stand, looked back at Jude, his arms crossed. “What do you want?”

“The deal’s off,” Jude snapped. “I’m done trying to get dirt on Cardan.” 

Dain hummed. “I figured.”

Jude’s scowl dropped for a second and then came back in full force. “What’s _that_ supposed to mean?”

“It means that somehow you ended up befriending Cardan. Maybe even liking him.” Dain looked bored at their conversation. “Obviously, you wanted to take the high road and come find me to call it off. You knew I was already done with our little deal so you ended it before I could. You just wanted to get on the high horse to make yourself look better.”

Jude bristled. “That’s not true-”

“It’s not, is it?” Dain scoffed. “Sure, keep telling yourself that.”

“I thought I was doing the right thing,” Jude admitted. She ran a hand through her hair. “I thought you genuinely cared for your brother and wanted to know if something was bothering him. But that was all a lie.”

Dain looked impressed. “Cardan told you? He must like you a lot more than I originally thought.”

“ _Nicasia_ told me.”

“Ah, of course she did. She never knows when to keep her mouth shut.”

“What I don’t get is why you don’t just talk to Cardan yourself,” Jude continued, ignoring his jab at Nicasia. “Why did you need me? He’s your brother. Why did you make me do all that?”

“I didn’t make you do anything, Jude.” Dain smiled, and his smile reminded her of the first time they’d talked, how his teeth had looked like a shark’s. “You did that all on your own.”

“ _You_ tricked _me_. You made me think I was helping him.”

“No, Jude, you tricked yourself,” Dain snapped, his cool demeanor gone. “You knew something wasn’t right, I know you did, and yet you went along with it anyway for selfish reasons. Don’t put this on me.”

Dain didn’t care that what he’d done was bad. He’d likely tried to get Cardan to spill his guts for years.

He didn’t care that Cardan hated him. But Jude cared if Cardan hated _her_.

“What was the reason then?” Jude yelled. She hoped the cafeteria walls were thick. “Why did you need me to find Cardan’s secrets?”

Dain sighed and looked away, his eyes distant. “Let’s just say, Cardan took something that should have been mine. So I wanted to take something of his.” 

This was all because Dain was _jealous_? He did all that because he wanted something _Cardan had_? 

Jude wanted to spit in his face, but held back. He was still her TA, after all. 

At Jude’s silence, Dain turned away, stopping only to throw one last comment over his shoulder.

“Have fun getting that A now,” he said and left Jude alone.

_______

  
  


“Hey,” Taryn said, opening the door to their dorm room. “Sorry I’m late. I brought Vivi. And donuts.”

Her sisters ducked into the room, closing the door quietly behind them. Jude was sitting on her bed, a blanket tucked around her and her laptop beside her, playing some action movie she’d randomly picked. It had been four days since she’d spoken to Dain. The following day was the start of final’s week, and Jude had been staying up late studying. Sometimes she’d only caught an hour of sleep before waking up to study all over again.

But now it was Sunday, and she was tired, and she just wanted someone to talk to. So, in a moment of weakness, or perhaps bravery, she’d called Taryn back to their shared dorm room and had asked her to bring Vivi too.

Taryn tossed the paper bag filled with warm donuts onto Jude’s lap and sat on the edge of her own bed. Vivi sat down next to her, and they both watched Jude as she took a chocolate covered donut out of the bag.

“So,” Vivi said, looking down at Taryn’s bedsheets. “Was there a reason you wanted to see both of us?” 

Jude bit into the donut and sighed. “Yeah,” she said around a mouthful of food. “Kind of.”

She needed to tell her sisters how she was struggling with her classes. How, no matter how hard she tried, it never felt like enough.

She thought of Cardan watching her with sad eyes as she told him how she didn’t feel like she was good enough. She remembered him telling her that she should talk to someone.

She owed him this at least.

Jude leaned back on her pillow. It was now or never. “Taryn, do you remember junior year of high school, when you had gone with your friends to prom, but I had stayed home because I’d told you I was sick?”

“Yeah, I remember. I was mad because you wouldn’t get a chance to wear that dress you’d bought,” Taryn said. She frowned and leaned forward. “Were you not actually sick?”

Jude shook her head. “I’d just needed an excuse to get out of it. In reality, I’d stayed up pretty much every night that week for a test I’d had on that Friday, and I was too exhausted to stay up and go to prom.”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Vivi cut in. “You stayed up every single night for a _week_ to study?”

Jude nodded. “I got like, three hours of sleep each night? It wasn’t too bad.”

Vivi made a pained noise. “Jude, that’s _awful_.”

Shrugging, Jude said, “It didn’t feel like I had a choice. You guys never had to worry about grades, but that’s all I had. I’m not good at art like you, Vivi, and I never liked joining all those clubs like you, Taryn. You guys had things you were good at. I didn’t.” Jude looked down at the donut in her hand. She ripped a piece off and rolled it between her fingers. “I thought that if I got all A’s, I could go to Elfhame with you guys. But then the school counselor told me I would have to pay for it all, even with the good grades I had.” She popped the rolled up dough into her mouth. “So then I had to find a way to get a scholarship. I found out I could get a scholarship if I played soccer, so suddenly I was juggling AP classes and soccer, and I knew that if I let my grades slip, just once, I could kiss Elfhame goodbye.”

Jude looked up from her food to find her sisters wearing matching frowns. Jude and Taryn were the identical ones, but it was times like this where it was so easy to see that Vivi was their big sister.

“You could’ve gone somewhere else, a school just as good,” Vivi said. “Why were you so set on Elfhame?”

“Because you were already here, Vivi,” Jude explained, dropping her gaze. She felt embarrassed to admit it. “And I knew Taryn was hoping to get in, too. I felt… I don’t know. I just didn’t want to be alone.”

“You wouldn’t have been,” Taryn said gently. “You would have made friends.”

“You know how bad I am at making friends!” Jude raised her voice, scowling at the last piece of the chocolate donut. “I wouldn’t have survived without you both there with me.”

There was a moment of silence before Taryn got up from her bed and climbed onto Jude’s. She shoved Jude with her shoulder until she had enough room to sit comfortably. She rested her head on Jude’s shoulder and pointed at the paper bag.

“But you’re here now,” Vivi said as Jude handed the bag to Taryn. “So what’s the issue?”

“When I had that fight with Cardan, before Thanksgiving break,” Jude said quietly, watching Taryn as she pulled out a pink donut, “He thought I should tell you how I’m… How I’m struggling right now.” 

Taryn looked up. “What do you mean?”

“I’m doing what I did in high school all over again. I’ve been studying nonstop, I’m not really eating or going outside, except for class, I’m barely sleeping, and even when I _am_ , I’m having nightmares about how I’m going to fail my finals and then get kicked off the soccer team and lose my scholarship.” Jude sighed deeply, letting the words sink in. “So. Yeah.”

“Well.” Vivi leaned back on Taryn’s bed. “That’s a lot to process.” 

Jude let out a hollow laugh. 

Her sisters waited, as if they knew she needed to say more. It was an odd thing, to know someone so intimately that you knew what they needed before they vocalized it. Jude wondered if she would ever get the chance to know Cardan as deeply as she knew her sisters.

“I don’t know how to describe it.” She looked at the donut crumbs on the blanket. “I feel stupid and-”

“Jude,” Taryn said, cutting her off, her tone harsh. “You are _smart_. You’re one of the smartest people I know. That doesn’t mean you’re not going to struggle from time to time like everyone else.” She broke off a piece of her pink donut and handed it to Jude. “That’s called being human.”

“How’re your grades?” Vivi asked, coming over to sit at the end of Jude’s bed. Taryn tossed the bag to her. “Is it looking really bad?”

“Um. No. Not really.” She knew her sisters wouldn’t get it, but she told them anyway. “I have three A’s and a B.”

Her sisters’ jaws dropped simultaneously.

“Jude, that’s _really_ fucking good,” Vivi exclaimed. “What are you so worried about?”

“I don’t know! It’s like part of my brain is telling me I could do better. I know what I have right now is good, but I want to be _better_ than good.” 

“I get it,” Taryn said, one of the last people Jude thought would understand. 

Taryn’s grades were mostly A’s and B’s, with the occasional C, but what Jude never had, Taryn had an abundance of. Taryn was good with people. She knew how to get them to talk and how to worm her way into getting what she wanted from them, but in a way that was kind. Gentle in a way Jude could never be. 

Jude had to force it out with a knife to the throat while Taryn could coax it out with honey and some sweet words.

“You’re doing well from an outsider’s perspective,” Taryn continued. “But you know yourself so you think you can do better, even if you end up hurting because of that ambition.” 

Jude slouched against her pillow. “Yeah,” she breathed, wondering how Taryn knew exactly what she was feeling. 

Taryn turned her body so she was fully facing Jude. She took her hand in her own. “Let us be your outsider’s perspective. You’re doing _really_ well, Jude,” Taryn insisted. “And I know you’ll do fine with your finals. _Amazing_ , even.” Jude saw Vivi nod in agreement. “We can help you get out of your head long enough to eat and rest and do something fun before diving back into studying, okay?” 

“You don’t have to do everything on your own,” Vivi added, her mouth full. 

Jude ducked her head. “Thanks. That’s-” She cleared her throat. “That’s helpful. Thank you.” 

Taryn let go of Jude’s hands and knocked her shoulder with her own. “We’re family, it’s what we do.” 

Vivi stood up and wiped her hands on her jeans. “Alright, how about this? We’ll help you study for a little bit and then we’ll go get some dinner, yeah?” 

“Okay,” Jude said, sitting up and grabbing her backpack from the foot of her bed. “Sounds good.”

Vivi went over to Taryn’s backpack and started pulling out some paper and pens.

“Hey,” Taryn whispered to Jude. “If you think you need to see someone, like a counselor or a therapist or something, we’ll one hundred percent support you.” 

Jude thought she might cry if she spoke so she nodded instead and gave her twin a smile.

“Okay, what should we work on first?” Vivi asked, plopping herself down on Jude’s bed.

“Math,” Jude said.

Vivi groaned and collapsed face first onto the bed. “I regret this already,” she said, her voice coming out muffled. 

Jude laughed, and it felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. She still had a lot to worry about and a lot to do, but she had her sisters there with her. 

Maybe she’d be okay.

_______

  
  


The guy leaning against the hallway wall beside Jude looked like he was going to be sick. He was typing away on his phone with one hand while biting at the nails on his other hand.

“Nervous?” Jude asked.

This was their last english class, with an extra hour added on for finals week to give everyone time to present their projects. Finals week was ordered in a way that meant this was Jude’s last class before she was off for winter break. She’d taken the rest of her finals earlier in the week and had actually gotten enough sleep now that her sisters were aware of her studying habits and would constantly check in to make sure she’d eaten and was going to bed at a reasonable time. 

She didn’t realize just how much easier it had been taking her finals with a decent amount of sleep the night before. She probably should’ve done that a lot sooner.

The guy looked up from his phone and gave a wobbly smile. “I really need a good grade on this presentation.”

“I’m sure you’ll do fine,” she said, attempting to soothe him. 

The boy gave her a real smile this time. Maybe Jude was getting better at making friends. 

“I’m Van,” he offered and stuck out his hand. 

Jude smiled and shook it. “I’m-”

“ _Jude_!” someone screeched, and Jude dropped Van’s hand. She snapped her head up to see Taryn barreling around the corner. Taryn spotted Jude immediately and ran to her. “ _Guess what just happened_?” she squealed, ignoring the rest of Jude’s classmates waiting in the hall to be let into the classroom.

Jude looked around at their prying eyes. It seemed that Taryn was in a different world, unaffected by their looks. “Uh, what?”

“I met my _soulmate_ ,” she blurted, her face practically glowing.

Jude’s mouth dropped open. “You _what_?”

A few of her classmates were whispering to each other. Jude heard someone let out a long cooing sound. 

“I was walking back to our dorm when I slipped on some ice, and a guy caught me before I could fall, and he looked down at me in his arms and laughed and said- _He said,_ ‘Care to dance?’” Taryn squealed again. “He said my words! For _real_ this time,” she said, quieter this time so only Jude could hear. 

The person who had cooed before was melting at Taryn’s story.

“How did you respond?” Jude asked, her twin’s happiness turning into her own. 

She couldn’t find it in herself to be upset that Taryn had found her soulmate even when Jude could barely think of her own soulmate without feeling like a knife was cutting her heart in two. Taryn looked beyond ecstatic. She deserved to be happy. Jude didn’t, not after what she’d done.

Taryn blushed and said, “I was carrying one of my textbooks, and I dropped it in a puddle so I replied, ‘Not really because my textbook is ruined and now I’ll have to pay for a new one.’”

Jude laughed in shock. “You said all that? He has that whole sentence on his hip?”

Taryn nodded. “He showed me.” Then she blushed. “I mean, like, he lifted up his jacket! He didn’t, you know… _Show me_.”

Jude smiled at her sister. “What’s his name?”

“Garrett,” she answered. “He’s… I like him. He’s nice. And cute.” 

The door to the classroom opened, and the previous class piled out. Jude’s classmates went in, a few stealing last glances at Taryn. 

“I should go,” Jude said, nodding toward the open classroom door. “But-” She caught Taryn’s hand. “I’m happy for you. I really am.”

Taryn ducked her head, a small smile on her lips. “Thanks.” She looked up and cleared her throat. “You have to present now, right?”

Jude nodded. 

“Okay, I’ll go.” Taryn backed away. “Good luck. I’m sure you’ll do great.” 

“Wait,” Jude said, causing Taryn to turn back around. “Where is Garrett? Did you ditch him to come tell me?”

“No, no, he’s outside!” Taryn laughed, and the sound was sweet. “I’ll see you later. Bye, Jude! Good luck times two!” 

“Bye, Taryn,” Jude said. “Have fun!” She shot her sister a wink and Taryn rolled her eyes before darting back around the corner.

Jude continued smiling down the empty hallway. Taryn was a romantic, she always had been. Being swept up by a cute stranger while snow fell around them was the most romantic thing Jude could have wished for her sister to experience. She was glad at least one of them was getting their happy ever after.

The happiness she felt for sister fled as soon as she walked into the classroom and her eyes landed on the empty seat. _Cardan’s_ seat.

He hadn’t shown up. 

She wasn’t sure what she’d been expecting. The professor had emailed her two days ago, informing her that Cardan would no longer be presenting with her. He’d mentioned nothing else, just that he would treat Jude like she had worked on her own since the beginning. Cardan was likely giving his presentation in one of the professor’s other classes. 

It was a smart move, but it meant that Cardan couldn’t even be in the same room as her.

When she sat down in her usual seat, she looked up to the front of the classroom and caught Dain’s eye. He was standing near the professor’s desk, holding a folder in his hand. He gave her a slow smirk. Jude fought the urge to walk over and punch him right in his perfectly straight nose. 

She looked away from him and focused on her presentation notes in front of her. 

Before she knew it, the professor was calling out names to present. She tapped her foot anxiously as she watched each presentation, not paying attention. She just wanted to get her own presentation over with. 

Finally, her name was called, and Jude went up to the front of the class and presented her project.

She talked about the theme, the characters, the plot, the imagery, and everything else she’d found that supported her main idea. She watched as the professor took notes, looking down every now and then at her essay in his lap. 

And, then- She was done. But she needed to say something. Not about her project, but about something she wished she’d been told sooner. 

“The author wrote her characters without soulmarks,” Jude said, and it felt like everyone in the room had gone even quieter, like they’d stopped breathing to let her voice ring louder.

She saw the professor look up in confusion at her words. He was reading along with her presentation, her typed essay in his lap. She hadn’t written what she was about to say. But she needed to say it anyway. 

Jude cleared her throat. “I thought it was an odd choice. Why write characters that have to go through all that heartache and pain to try and find someone who may or may not be their soulmate? They would never know if someone was their soulmate without their first words written on their body. They would have to take a leap of faith each time they fell in love with someone. It seemed cruel to me.”

Jude looked up at her peers and wished Cardan were there. She could almost picture his dark eyes watching her intently, his mouth quirked up in that small smirk he always wore. 

“But then someone told me that the author wrote her characters without soulmarks to show that, no matter what the universe dictates, we’re always meant for someone. Soulmark or not, there’s always someone out there for us. Whether that’s a family member, a friend, or a lover.” She thought of the first time she’d spoken to Cardan. How he’d had a curl tucked behind his ear, the hair tickling his neck. “We’re not two halves of a whole. We’re complete on our own.” She smiled then, thinking about how Cardan had helped her when he told her she should see her sisters for help. How he had known something was wrong when even her own family hadn’t. “But life’s a whole lot easier with someone by our side.” 

And Jude had ruined her chance at having that person by her side. She hated failing, hating doing anything wrong, but sometimes it was necessary to learn from her mistakes. 

Because what was life except a million tries to get it right?

“We only get to live this life once. We get one shot,” Jude said, praying that she would have one last chance to speak to Cardan. She owed him honesty. She owed him herself laid bare, with no armor to hide behind. She owed him everything and more. “And if we mess up, we owe it to ourselves to try again.”

 _So let me try again,_ she begged to whoever was listening. The universe, maybe. Or maybe anyone who was willing to let her have just one more try.

The professor cleared his throat, and Jude glanced at him. 

“Well, Jude, that was, um, very insightful,” the professor said, clearly confused as to what had just happened. “Thank you.” 

She wondered if she’d gotten a good grade. She found, oddly enough, that she didn’t care.

Jude gave him a small nod and went back to her seat. There were a few more people who had to present, and Jude leaned back in her chair as she watched them speak.

When everyone was finished, and the professor had given his spiel about how glad he was to have met everyone this semester, Jude tore out of the room. The clouds were dark above her, and she tilted her head up at the sky, breathing deeply. 

She thought of Vivi, with her hand in Heather’s. She thought of Taryn and her newfound soulmate.

And she thought of Cardan, like she always did. Like she always had.

Jude took out her phone, typed out a message, and hit send.

Now it was up to the universe.

  
  


**(2:16pm)**

**i’ll be at the swing set at 4pm**

**if you don’t want to see me, i understand**

**but i’d like to try again**

  
  


_______

  
  


At 3:53pm, Jude sat on the rusty swing, gently swinging back and forth. The sun was slowly inching toward the horizon, and the clouds above were still dark, ready to open up and blanket the campus in a fresh coat of snow. The single lamp lighting the little swing set hadn’t turned on yet, and the trees surrounding the area made it darker than it should’ve been. 

She checked her phone again, pulling it from her coat pocket. 

3:55pm.

She would give herself fifteen minutes after 4pm. After that, she’d have to accept that Cardan wasn’t going to show. Maybe he’d already left campus for winter break. Maybe his last final had been earlier in the week and he’d already packed his things and left.

Or maybe he just didn’t want to see her again. 

Jude checked her phone again. 

3:59pm.

A twig snapping caught Jude’s attention, and she twisted around in the swing. Cardan walked out between two trees. He was in a blue sweater with a black coat over it and black pants paired with black boots. His hair was windswept, and he was watching Jude warily. 

She didn’t think he’d come. 

“You’re early,” she croaked out. 

Cardan raised one eyebrow. Jude had missed the gesture. 

“By one minute?” he asked. “My apologies.” 

Jude ached at the sound of his voice, even if it was cold and dripping with sarcasm. It scared her how much she had missed him.

He came and sat on the other swing on Jude’s left, curling his right hand around the metal chain. Jude watched as he tucked a curl behind his ear. 

She looked away. 

Elfhame was situated on a hill that gradually sloped up. Whoever had decided to put the old swing set at the top of the hill must have liked the view. The swings overlooked the rest of the town, the lights shining below them like a sea of stars, even brighter now with all the Christmas lights. If you swung high enough, it felt like you were going to go right over the edge into that twinkling sea.

“Why didn’t you tell me we were soulmates?” Jude asked, breaking the silence. She kept her eyes on the town lights. “I know you said you thought it was too good to be true, but… _Why_?”

Cardan sat still on the swing beside her. 

“I told you about my family,” he said, and then began to explain all the parts he’d left out. “About how I grew up a lonely child. My mother had left a year after I was born, my father was rarely ever home, and my siblings usually kept to themselves. I understand why they didn’t bother with me. I was the youngest, and they didn’t want to look after their snotty little brother when my father had hired a caretaker to do just that.” 

Jude glanced at Cardan from the corner of her eye and saw him tilt his head back to look at the few stars peeking out between the clouds. 

“Then I met Locke, and I thought maybe things would be different. Maybe I had found someone who would care about me like no one ever had. But then he tried to trick me into thinking we were soulmates and then continued to go behind my back for years. I don’t know why I’m still friends with him. I guess I’ve just never had anyone stay this long before.” Cardan dropped his head. “Then I met Nicasia, and I thought that maybe, just _maybe_ , this was what I had been waiting for. But then she hurt me, too.” He let out a humorless laugh. “It all made me wonder if I could ever truly trust someone. I thought that I could trust my soulmate at least. My soulmate was made for me. They would be the only person in the world I would knock all my walls down for. The only person I would let in.” Cardan looked at her then, and Jude flinched at the anger in his eyes. “But I suppose even that was wishful thinking.” 

Jude didn’t know how to respond. ‘I’m sorry’ didn’t feel adequate. How do you apologize for someone’s shitty childhood _and_ breaking their trust that was as fragile as glass to begin with?

“You still should’ve told me,” she said dumbly because she felt like she had to say _something._

Clearly, that was the wrong thing to say.

“You _hated_ me, Jude!” Cardan snapped. “Did you think I couldn’t notice you glaring at me every class period? And _you_ don’t get to tell me what I should or shouldn’t have done.” 

Jude looked away. That was fair.

They lapsed into silence, and Jude scrambled for something to say. Something less stupid.

“I talked to your brother,” Jude said and almost groaned out loud at her stupidity. 

“I know,” Cardan practically growled, frowning at the view. “Nicasia told me that she caught you and Dain talking about your _plan._ That’s how I’d found out what you’d done.”

“I didn’t-” Jude blushed in embarrassment. “I mean, yes, I did that, but I meant I spoke to your brother last week. I told him I was done. I told him I wasn’t going to do his dirty work anymore.”

Cardan rolled his eyes. “Glad you finally grew a conscience. A little late, wouldn’t you say?”

“I thought I was _helping_ you,” Jude insisted. “He came to me and said he thought you didn’t have a soulmark. He couldn’t figure out why you were distancing yourself from him. He said he just wanted to know what was wrong so he could help.”

“I was always distant with Dain. I’m distant with every member of my family,” Cardan said.

“I know that _now_ ,” Jude yelled, and stood up, the swing flying back as she pushed off it. She stood in front of Cardan and threw up her hands. “I thought he was just an older brother wanting to help his little brother. And he’d offered me an A in english, and I didn’t see how it would be bad to help him. I thought he was just concerned about a family member.” 

“Not every family is perfect, Jude,” he said, like she was an idiot. 

“ _I know that_ ,” she yelled even louder. No doubt, her face was red with anger. “I didn’t see how it would hurt you until I talked to Dain last week. He told me he wanted to know a secret to use against you.” She dropped her hands and sighed and turned away from Cardan. She faced the city. “He said you’d taken something that should’ve been his.”

“Ah,” Cardan said behind her. He left the swing and stood beside Jude, both of them looking out beyond the hill.

The sun was setting in the distance, barely peeking through the dark clouds along the horizon. Jude was surprised it hadn’t started snowing yet. 

“Dain never cared about me. We were never close. But he’s hated me ever since our father died because he left his business to _me_. Not to my sister, Rhyia, who probably deserved it, and not to Dain, who’d been expecting it,” Cardan explained. “He left it to me, and Dain’s held a grudge since then.” He kicked at the dirt with his boot. “I didn’t even care about my father’s business. I’d thought about giving it to Dain, but now I’m not so sure.”

That made sense. Dain never wanted to help Cardan, he wanted to dig up dirt on Cardan to hold it against him until he gave the business to Dain. He didn’t care about his brother, Dain just wanted what he thought should’ve been his. Maybe it should’ve been, if Cardan didn’t really want his father’s business, but any hope of Dain taking it from Cardan was gone now.

“I didn’t agree to help Dain to hurt you, Cardan,” Jude said quietly. She hoped he believed her. “Honestly. It was only until I’d spoken to my sisters during Thanksgiving break that I realized how helping Dain might be a bad thing. I didn’t know your family situation, and it wasn’t my place to agree to that. I was going to come back after the break and immediately find you and tell you everything, but… But you’d already found out.”

After a moment of silence, Cardan sighed like he was very, very tired. “I don’t know if I trust you right now,” he said. “But... I think I can learn to trust you again.” 

Jude snapped her head up and found Cardan already looking at her.

The sun was just above the horizon, painting the snow filled clouds with swirls of orange and red. A cold wind blew and rustled Cardan’s curls.

Was this it? Was this the universe giving her one last chance?

Jude remembered what she had told herself earlier that day. _What was life except a million tries to get it right?_

“I don’t know your favorite color,” Jude said, and Cardan frowned at the abrupt subject change. “I don’t know if you’re a cat or a dog person. I don’t know what your favorite movie is. But I know you like _Alice in Wonderland_ and Christmas socks and chocolate with peanut butter. I feel like I know you, but I don’t. Not really.” She took a step closer to Cardan. “But I would like to. If you’ll let me.”

Cardan looked down at her, his ink eyes reflecting the setting sun, and said, “My favorite color is green, like a forest. I’m a cat person. I don’t have a favorite movie, but I prefer animated ones. I despise chocolate with peanut butter, but I bought those Reese’s Cups because I wanted an excuse to see you again.” Jude swore she saw the ghost of a smile on his lips. “You hurt me, but I suppose I hurt you, too. Maybe I should’ve let you explain, but I was too upset, and I just wanted to be left alone.”

Jude shrugged. “I probably would’ve done the same thing. Maybe thrown in a punch or two.”

Cardan’s mouth quirked up. “I don’t doubt that.”

Jude’s heart beat hard in her chest. 

_I don’t need him. I don’t need someone to be complete. But holy fucking shit,_ Jude thought as she looked at her soulmate, _I want him more than I’ve wanted anything in my entire life._

Cardan leaned closer and touched the side of her face gently with his hand, his silver ring cool against her cheek. “I can’t stay mad at you,” he said quietly, his voice a low rasp that sent shivers down Jude’s spine. “Because, even after everything, I still love you.” 

As soon as those words left Cardan’s mouth, Jude took his chin in her hand and pulled him lower to kiss him deeply. His lips were soft and warm against the cold air. 

Cardan made a startled noise, muffled by Jude’s lips. But then he relaxed into it, his hand on her face moving down to her neck to tangle his fingers in her hair. 

This kiss was so much better than the kiss they’d shared in his room because this time they both knew their feelings were mutual.

This time they knew they were both in love.

Jude pulled away first, only to shove her face into Cardan’s neck, wrapping her arms around his waist. 

“I thought all I ever wanted was to be the best,” she whispered, and Cardan put his arms around her shoulders. “The best in my grade in high school, the best on the soccer team, the top of every class,” Jude continued. “But then I realized there’s more to life than that, and I didn’t see that until I met you.” She pulled away and looked up at Cardan. “If beating you means I have to lose you, then I never want to win.”

Cardan moved so he was holding Jude’s face in both of his hands, staring into her eyes with so much emotion Jude felt sick with it. He kissed her gently on her forehead, so gently that Jude trembled. He wrapped her in his arms again, resting his chin on the top of her head. 

“My last class was today,” Jude said into his coat, feeling warmer than she’d ever felt before. “I’m going home tomorrow morning.” 

Cardan tensed in her arms and went to let go, but Jude held on tighter.

She looked up at him and said, “Come home. With me. For the break.”

“Why?” Cardan frowned.

“I don’t like the idea of you being alone. Please, come home with me.”

Cardan said nothing, and Jude felt her heart slowly break apart. Maybe this was too soon. Maybe this was too much. 

But then Cardan looked at her, and his smile was small, but his eyes were so bright Jude wondered if the sun was jealous of the light in his eyes. 

“Alright then,” he said. “I’ll take you up on that offer, Jude.”

At her name, an idea lit up in Jude’s brain. “Wait, that’s it! Let’s do it again,” she said. 

Cardan frowned at her, but he was still smiling. “Do what?” 

The clouds finally opened, and snow began to fall, glinting in the fading light, the sun just now touching the horizon. The snow dusted Cardan’s dark hair and glistened on his long eyelashes, looking like little stars coating his body.

“The soulmate thing,” she said, taking a step back, causing Cardan’s hands to fall from her waist. “Let’s do it again.” Jude stuck out one gloved hand. “Hi, my name’s Jude Duarte.” 

Cardan looked up from her outstretched hand with a growing smile, took her hand in his own and said the word written on her skin, right above her beating heart.

“Hello.”

  
  
  
  
  


_nunc scio quid sit amor_

: now I know what love is

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just want to give a shoutout to @zofiabogvska for helping me with the ideas for this fic. This is for you. ;)
> 
> Aaaand, with that, that's the end! Thank you so much for reading!


End file.
